Flipside Reporters Return from Sochi Sunburnt, Laid (Winter Olympics Recap)
In case you missed any of The Flipside’s Winter Olympics coverage, the links below will make sure you get the scoop on what really went down in Sochi this year.
Tag Archives: winter olympics
Sprungschießen (Ski Jump Archery) Deemed Too Easy, Will Be Made More Difficult in 2018
Sprungschießen is a new event at the Winter 2014 Olympics this year that requires athletes to shoot a moving target with a bow and arrow immediately after launching after a ski jump. In addition, jumpers must execute an elaborate series of twists, flips, turns, and rotations.
“The Most Dangerous Biathlon” Disappoints Spectators with Only Twelve Deaths
The event has an illustrious history dating back to the 1960 Winter Games in California, when Olympic host and US Vice President Richard Nixon personally wiped three names off of his Enemies List.
International Skating Union to Replace Figure Skating Judges with Bond Henchmen
“Have you seen Skyfall? No KGB, not even mention. No cabbage for my little girls. Now, I make Mother Russia happy, my girls get cabbage and no one dead. Perfect,” said Ilya Vladikov, a former KGB agent who now works as a freelance filmmaker/assassin.
Denmark Dominates in Polar Bear Jumping with Gold Medal Performance
Karstensen’s bear nearly lost its footing as it landed on slippery ice in the last jump of the round. The excited fans audibly gasped, then cheered as Ingegerd managed to remain upright and finish the competition.
“Total Loser” Olympian Only Gets Laid 50 Times at Olympic Village
Athletes like Wilson, however, who are either introverted, in committed relationships back home, or sixteen-year-old figure skating prodigies, are happy to merely get laid a couple dozen times during their trip.
Americans Smugly Note US Still Better Than Russia
“It’s just amazing that the Russians still can’t get the easy things right,” said Jim Kelley, a Denver Broncos fan who spent three hours stuck in Secaucus Junction following the conclusion of the Super Bowl.