Local South Campus Man’s Legs Too Thin, Gangly to Walk All the Way to Tech
Passersby described him as “pathetic,” and having “limbs that look like a strong breeze could either break them or just blow them off altogether.”
Tag Archives: Willard
Willard Residents Have “Night of Their Lives” After Drinking 2 Truly’s and Singing Showtunes by the Piano
Reports indicate that this party, which lasted through the night (2 AM), was more of a celebration of the theatre (“pronounced thee-ate-her, you classless hack!”), and definitely not a one-up contest of who was the better Tevye in their high school’s production of Fiddler on the Roof.
Local Man Disappointed He Can No Longer Shape His Entire Identity Around His Residential College
“Plus, when my professors asked me to introduce myself, I was so used to saying, ‘I’m Artie Jones and I live in Willard,’” said Jones. “It was tragic to have to say, ‘I’m Artie and I live in…Los Angeles.’”
The Flipside’s Housing Guide: The Southwest Side
Hobart is the 77-time winner of the award for “Most Poorly Named Women’s Residential College.” Really, everyone calls this place Ho-House. But it’s in the sorority quad, so you’re practically a sorority girl, right?
BREAKING: Mayor Tisdahl Received Campaign Donation from Ghost of Francis Willard
Flipside Exclusive! EVANSTON – Reports indicate that Mayor Tisdahl has received a large sum of campaign donations from the ghost of renowned prohibitionist Francis Willard over the past few years. Leaked internal documents shows that Willard, lobbying on behalf of the Women’s Christian Temperance Union, has provided thousands of dollars for Tisdahl’s campaign. Tisdahl has denied that her rigid stance against drinking, brothels and happiness was influenced by the donations. “I have always fought hard for the peace and safety
Willard Residents Stop Showering for Month of February to Win Green Cup
EVANSTON — Willard residents have decided to take drastic measures in order to retain their title as the “Greenest Dorm (With a Dining Hall) on Campus” from the Green Cup last year. Most notably, all Willardites will forgo showers for the entire month of February to win the prestigious title in 2011. “Not showering for a whole month is really going to help secure our victory,” said Willard president Jackson Drapple. “Not to mention that it’s been proven that not taking
Willard Slammed with Fifty-million Dollar Lawsuit after Movie Night Dinner
New Student John Wilkes Booth Suspiciously Good at “Assassins”
EVANSTON—Transfer student John Wilkes Booth has been on an “Assassins” rampage lately, “killing” six targets last night with surprising cunning and skill. As the game comes down to its final players, many are calling Booth the favorite because of his sneak tactics. “He just came out of a supply closet and hit me right between the eyes,” said Shmabraham Shmincoln, one of Booth’s victims. “It was really creepy, now that I think about it. The whole time he had this