“In Chapter 12, after deciding to hoard even more BINAX-Now’s by blocking incoming shipments of at-home tests, Fuke Ligora cackles with glee about his evil plan in the office of his supervisor Shorty Mapiro.”
The blockage presented a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity: an audience that physically could not leave.
“Too long hath these Pfizer and Moderna knaves parried with the virus. They flash thine fancy swords and dance around in thine gilded boots, but those swine’s art COWARDS. Sir Johnson shall end it all in a single blow!”
“Pizza, on the other hand, is far too vulgar and plebeian a food to satisfy my intellectual desire. “
The global scientific community is on indefinite hiatus after the miraculous discovery that Northwestern University is located on an unprecedented tear in the space-time continuum where sexual intercourse is a non-extant phenomenon. Said top quantum physicist Harold Campbell of the (admittedly not-so-shocking) discovery, “We’re quite surprised that such a tear in the fabric of reality is scientifically feasible. No one, however, is surprised that the one known location in the universe to subvert years of astronomical understanding of time, space,
Coach Fitz allegedly sacrificed his last virgin during the Minnesota game.