Northwestern PHA Establishes Kappa Moderna & Moderna Moderna Moderna Chapters
“Have a crush on Dr. Fauci? Come watch some of his press conferences with us!”
Tag Archives: Vaccine
“They Cut Me Out, And Now It’s Time To Pay,” Cackles A Third Johnson In New Blackmail Video
“Because of my unbeatable toe fungus, I was the one voted out of the company.”
Johnson & Johnson Releases Brand New “No More Clots” Shampoo
This new line of shampoo claims to offer the same gentle cleaning and exfoliating properties of regular shampoo, without any of the life-threatening circulatory issues.
Norris Gives All 200 Vaccine Doses To Single Football Player
“I feel fucking amazing,” said Jaxmaxon, whose arms, swollen from the several hundred syringe pokes he received, eclipsed every other part of his body. “This is the physique I’ve been working toward for years now.”
Jousting Club Endorses J&J Vaccine: “One Jab Shall Do It!”
“Too long hath these Pfizer and Moderna knaves parried with the virus. They flash thine fancy swords and dance around in thine gilded boots, but those swine’s art COWARDS. Sir Johnson shall end it all in a single blow!”
Op-Ed: My Dad Got Vaccinated, and Could Totally Beat Your Dad in a Test of Resilience
Hey, Bradleigh Jenkins, remember me from first grade? Still think your hunky dad could beat mine?
FDA to Approve Vaccine in Fun, Kid-Friendly Flavors Such as “Tootie Fruity Immunity”
“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” admitted Anthony Fauci in a joint statement with FDA director Stephen Hahn. “We’re not proud to be using Juul’s playbook, but damn, if they didn’t have a move or two in there.”
Circle Circle Dot Dot Cooties Vaccine Enters Testing Phase
Playground researchers have managed to develop an experimental vaccine using top notch Crayola Magic Marker technology, reducing the risk of cooties transmission by up to 30%.