Idiot Freshman Can’t Find Building
“I guess it’s early and I’m still finding my way around,” White said, as if that were actually a thing.
Tag Archives: tech
Report: Tech Dangerously Underpopulated by Bees
“People should be very afraid. I haven’t seen a single bee in Tech at all the past few months. No bees in Tech means no honey in Tech. No honey in Tech is a catastrophe!”
Prospie Disappears in Tech, Building Will Not Erupt This Year
As of yet there is no plausible explanation for why the high school student has gone missing.
Desperate Theater Major Prepares Big Number for Tech Expo
“Steppenwolf, Lookingglass, and a bunch of other places did not really get on the same wave with me during my audition pieces, so I decided to try other avenues.”
An Open Letter to the Man Sitting Alone in Tech Express
I hope you’re doing well and that you’re comfortable sitting at that big table all by yourself. I can see that you like sushi based on the half-eaten Seafood Delight sitting two feet to your right.
Lost Freshman Found, Shown Where Einstein’s Actually Is
“[Tech] is a maze, man. I didn’t think I’d ever get out,” he said, still squinting from daylight. “I can’t believe more people haven’t gotten lost trying to find the Einstein’s in here.”
[Denial Issue] Tech: The Best Building on Campus
“Its rectangular layout ensures you can’t ever get lost,” said Lisa Forbes, McCormick senior.
Schapiro Responds to the “Great Microwave Fire of 2014”
“I know that it has been a rough week for everyone,” Schaprio began. “Mid-terms just finished. Nobody has slept much. And this week, Northwestern had one of the worst accidents it has ever experienced.”
Lake Forest College Implies Menacing Plans for McCormick
“What a very precious set of buildings, faculty, and staff,” said Dr. Schutt. “It would be an absolute shame if something were to happen to all of it,” he continued, petting his cat.
Technological Institute Makes Plans to Secede From the University
“There has always been a fundamental divide between Tech and [Northwestern]. Tech is a building large enough to house several medium sized liberal arts colleges as well as the entire population of Zimbabwe,” said Dr. Ottino.