In True Show Of Solidarity With Students, Dearborn Observatory Also About To Collapse
“In unprecedented times like this, it’s nice to know that the observatory feels us.”
“In unprecedented times like this, it’s nice to know that the observatory feels us.”
“Basically, if you bring up anything except the weather he’ll start shaking uncontrollably.”
“We know this season is hard for everyone,” a Monday email from Northwestern Libraries said, “but we are certain that what Keith lacks in size, he makes up for in heart.”
Siemian’s promotion means he will follow in the footsteps of many previous Northwestern graduates who also work long, intense hours in ultra-competitive, high-turnover professions.
The stress of impending finals is taking a hard toll on McFrostkins. “I haven’t had time to laugh and play in weeks,” he said. “And I keep hearing this strange beating noise in my head—thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump—it’s driving me mad.”
Legrande warned reporters that visiting luxurious hotels, perfectly-manicured beaches, and 4-star restaurants with even tenuously-related kin could potentially do irreparable damage to an average adult’s heart.
Student Skips Midterm to Attend Midterm
EVANSTON — Northwestern announced Tuesday that professors will be encouraged to administer midterms on the second day of classes starting in the year 2012. This new policy was made in response to the claim that Northwestern students have it easy with minimal midterms and do not live up to the reputation of the quarter system. When students voiced worries about what would be on these early exams, Professor Sarah Mangelsdorf, Dean of Weinberg, answered, “Anything anyone mentioned during Wildcat Welcome
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—Atlantis’ astronauts grabbed hold of the Hubble Space Telescope at the end of last week, quickly setting their sights on the unprecedented spacewalking repairs they will attempt over the next couple of days. “It’s going to be tough,” explained head astronaut, Jim Bernstein. “My hands are shaking just thinking about it. One wrong move and we could float off into space.” The Atlantis astronauts tried to keep cool on the way up as a way to cope with