Fraternity Inspires PED Testing for Dance Marathon
DM officials are investigating the serious possibility that last year’s complete absence of fainting frat bros was due to blood doping and other performance enhancing drugs.
DM officials are investigating the serious possibility that last year’s complete absence of fainting frat bros was due to blood doping and other performance enhancing drugs.
COOPERSTOWN, NY — Last Wednesday, the Baseball Writers’ Association of America made history by voting in the first non-human inductee to the Hall of Fame. “Performance Enhancing Drugs” (PED) was the only candidate to receive the needed 75% of the vote, ushering it into baseball’s most hallowed ground. PED built an impressive resume in its decades-long stint in the MLB, accounting for over 90,000 home runs, 325,000 RBI’s, 800 ‘roid rage tantrums, and 500 shrunken testicles before being forced into
CHICAGO—Without a World Series title in 101 years, enough is enough. Cubs fans have forever been tantalized as America’s losers, but that may soon change. In a last hurrah approach to win it all, the Chicago Cubs have worked out a deal with Major League Baseball that would allow them to use steroids in the upcoming 2009 season. If they are unable to finish on top, even with the use of steroids, they, and their farm system, will be terminated