Local Bro Self-Places Out of Sex 101
“Nah, I don’t need Sex 101. I’m no beginner to pleasuring women. I bet I could teach that professor a thing or two.”
Tag Archives: Sex
Northwestern Facing Heterophobia Epidemic
Although specific phobias affect about 12 percent of the general population, heterophobia is spreading at an unprecedented rate.
How to Sexile Your Parents: A Guide to Family Weekend
Learn how to sexile your parents in just three easy steps! Love comes in many forms…
“Total Loser” Olympian Only Gets Laid 50 Times at Olympic Village
Athletes like Wilson, however, who are either introverted, in committed relationships back home, or sixteen-year-old figure skating prodigies, are happy to merely get laid a couple dozen times during their trip.
PRESS RELEASE: Plan B for Kids is the Perfect Companion to an Abstinence-Only Sexual Education
TEVA PHARMACEUTICALS — New legislation will soon enable women above the age of 15 to purchase Plan B One-Step® emergency contraceptive without parental consent. This is an exciting time for Teva Pharmaceuticals shareholders, and the company is proud to announce that it has been awarded an exclusive patent for production and sale of a new once-a-day contraceptive: “Plan B for Kids.” These chewable daily vitamins, an essential part of any balanced breakfast, deliver a clinical dosage of levonorgestrel in teenager-approved
Prospective Student Who Has Never Had Sex Brags about How Much Sex He’ll Have
EVANSTON — At dining halls across campus, conversations among visiting prospective students soon transitioned from ACT scores and other colleges under consideration to the inevitable pressure to demonstrate how cool they are. Research from the Flipside Institute of Statisticology suggests that only one in fifty students will remember someone next year that they met on admitted student day. Some incidents of actually recalling the other person’s name have been reported—both during Wildcat Days and months later. Facing these daunting odds,
Sex Week “Seems a Little Short This Year”
“Because certain major donors left us out in the cold this year, we had to shrink to half staff. However, we know how to use the girth and resources that we have to provide Northwestern with an amazing Sex Week experience.”
Fraternity Holds Intervention for Brother Suffering From Sex Addiction
EVANSTON — The members of Theta Eta Zeta fraternity held an intervention this week for their brother, Cameron Cordell, who is suffering from a chronic sex addiction. “Cam has the curse of being the man at everything he does, and regrettably this applies to sex,” said fraternity president Wesley Timmons. “We need to be with him in this time of need.” The brothers called a meeting last week to sit down with Cameron, and let him know what they were
Freshman Uncomfortable to Find Condom in Care Package
EVANSTON – As McCormick freshman Hank Crowley tore open the first care package sent from his parents, he was surprised to find that, under the bags of candy and boxes of pastries that he had requested, lay a single, individually-wrapped Trojan condom. When pushed for comment on whether he was expecting the rubber contraceptive to be present among his Reese’s Pieces and Blueberry Pop Tarts, Crowley said, “It was a little weird, because you think if Mom and Dad were
[His Campus] Reverse Engineering: Brassieres
This week, we’re addressing your most-requested issue: the mechanics of The Bra. It may be intimidating, but don’t let your inexperience supersede any opportunity to study this phenomena in the field. Today, we’re focusing on the first step, removal.