“It’s just amazing that the Russians still can’t get the easy things right,” said Jim Kelley, a Denver Broncos fan who spent three hours stuck in Secaucus Junction following the conclusion of the Super Bowl.
Thanks to the unavoidable “Christmas creep,” Cyber Monday, and this year’s Thanksgiving Day sales, Black Friday no longer signifies the designated celebration of capitalist excess it used to.
TOLEDO, OH ā Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, better known as āJoe the Plumber,ā unexpectedly announced Thursday his plans to challenge Obama in the 2012 presidential election. John McCain and Sarah Palin used āJoe the Plumberā as a metaphor for the middle class in the 2008 presidential election, so Wurzelbacher already enjoys nationwide name recognition. His platform focuses entirely on bad plumbing puns and one promise: āTheyāre not going to catch me in a lie.ā One political commentator pointed out that an
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congress passed an unprecedented bill Thursday creating an investigative task force to oversee the nationās second-largest underground industry: babysitting. Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), who sponsored the bill, explained that the bill āwill not only provide an additional source of revenue for our nearly-broke government, but it will also send a message to Americans: you cannot get away with tax fraud!ā The bill targets preteen and teenage babysitters, who every year collect billions of dollars of unreported income.
JUNEAU, AKāFormer Alaska governor and vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin has finished writing her memoir, Going Rogue: An American Life. Originally slated to be a 400-page chronicle of Palinās political and personal life, the memoir underwent a complete overhaul of its content and scope, leading to its completion months ahead of schedule. āThe initial intent of the memoir was to touch upon Palinās personal beliefs, family life, and experiences growing up in Alaska and in politics,ā said Maria Tonne, a spokesperson
JUNEAU, AKāAlaska Governor and former Vice-Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin is suffering from Post-Traumatic Election Touretteās Syndrome, say doctors at Juneau Central Medical Center. The Governor was rushed to the hospital from her hometown of Wasilla on Wednesday, January 28th and has been observation ever since. āI saw her walking down the street, and went over to give her a hello, and all she could say was āMaverick maverick 9/11 terrorist Joe sixpack.ā I was so confused,ā said Wasilla resident and