Weinberg freshman Richard LĂ€rgen has run out of his prescription of Lexapro, a common antidepressant, and was seen mumbling to himself in the mirror âno more Mr. Nice Guyâ while attempting to brush his teeth.Â
As any new Northwestern student who googles âwhat is improvâ five minutes before their audition knows, the only rule to the Chicago-founded comedic art form is saying âyes.â But if thatâs the case, then why did every improv group on campus say ânoâ to me? Iâm talking Titanic, Mee-Ow, ODB, The Bix, even the Panini Players. They all said âno.” I didnât even get a single callback. I say theyâre a bunch of hypocrites. If they were really committed to the
Area freshman Hugo Baxter officially hit rock bottom Thursday morning after he opened his email only to find a formal letter of rejection for a summer internship position at wildly mediocre childrenâs entertainment center and restaurant, Chuck E. Cheese. Sources close to Baxter have shared that the Chuck E. Cheese gig was the last hurrah for the McCormick student, after a devastating fall quarter of rejections from all of Baxterâs dream positions at literally every single reputable firm under the
âRejection from an improv troupe is part of the classic Northwestern experience; itâs really what people come to this school for,â said Mark Browning, father of Jim Browning
Wells proceeded to stop in the middle of an extremely crowded Sheridan and begin crying so vehemently, onlookers thought she might have suddenly started a hyena-like street performance.
After a week of rushing campus fraternity Beta Beta Beta without receiving a bid, area freshman Brandon Bottomsworth reportedly couldnât care less that he wasnât accepted into the group, because BBB is a bunch of big meanie-jerks who donât know a quality candidate when they see one, those poopy doopy poop-heads.
EVANSTON — Sally Evans, currently a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant senior at Richard B. Russell High School, received a rejection letter from Northwestern after applying early decision. After mulling it over for several weeks, she decided Thursday to take a stand for what is right. âIâm not racist,â the teen said. âI just donât think itâs fair that I worked so hard and still didnât get into Northwestern. If the quotas from the â60s were still in place, this never wouldâve