I CAN’T grow a beard, and when I walk down Sheridan, my hairless, female face literally being ASSAULTED by gale force winds, it’s both oppressive and marginalizing to see these fur-faced misogynists gloating in their superiority and facial warmth.
“Pass the Gardettos,” you say? Is that what you want? Tell me, what IS a Gardetto? Is it the rye chips? Is it the teeny tiny crunchy bread sticks? Is it the unsalted yet delicious pretzels? No! A Gardetto is not any of those things! I have some news for you, bub! A Gardetto is not a food. It is not a snack. It is not a plural noun. It is a name. Do not tell me to pass you
NEW YORK EVANSTON — As area Flipside reporter Brian Earl was sitting down to write an article about the impact Hurricane Sandy had on the New York subway system, he was rudely interrupted by a squirrel screeching outside his window. “Hurricane Sandy Ironically Clears Subway Tunnels of Sand,” typed Earl, chuckling to his handsome self, prepared to regale the world with his brilliance. All of a sudden — and mid-word, no less — a squirrel went “MRAAP MRAAP MRAAP!” “How