“I Can’t Turn It Off!” Screams Morty, Hurtling Past Onlookers in a Golf Cart
“Once he gets an idea in his head you better make sure you hide the high-energy combustibles or he’ll get in there, believe you me.”
Tag Archives: Race
ASG Passes Resolution Condemning Race
EVANSTON – Following recent nationwide unrest and several related demonstrations on Northwestern’s campus, ASG has passed a resolution condemning race. The bill passed 44-1. ASG Executive Vice President Christina Star, WCAS ’16, expressed her avid support for the bill. “When you look at the news, it’s pretty clear that race is a very hot issue right now. Lots of people are upset about it. We, as Associated Student Government, strongly believe in condemning things our students are upset about. This
Your Racist Relative Named Race Relations Expert for Insight into Situation in Ferguson
Your relative was honored for his recent work on a study of the shooting of an unarmed African American teenager by a white police officer in Ferguson, Missouri.
Romney and Obama Persist in Quest to Claim White Undecided Voter
HEMPSTEAD, NY – Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are no closer today than they were yesterday in catching the elusive Great White Undecided Voter. After releasing their nets and (de)baiting their fishing lines during Tuesday’s town hall meeting, neither candidate was able to harpoon their quarry and the polls have stayed static. Attention has been brought specifically to the White Undecided Voter because the other voters have already been hunted to extinction. According to marine-biologist-turned-political-pundit Richard Jackson, “President Obama has