The hackers were charged with teaching the NUIT staff how to properly use a computer, starting with basic functions like adjusting the volume and plugging in a keyboard.
Travolta pointed out academic buildings such as “Kierkegaard,” “Luddite,” “Annabel,” and, of course, “Trick Inspector.” The hopeful teenagers walked under “The Ache,” observed the beautifully painted “Rob,” and Instagrammed pictures of Chicago from the grassy “Lank Flank.”
“We’re hoping by next year students will be able to exchange their Mortcoins for Norbucks Bucks and Frontero Dineros.”
Tears were shed as the hero of the day approached the microphone for a speech. Patricia Telles-Irvin was spotted comforting Pat Fitzgerald, softly purring, “There, there. Who needs the Big Ten? You got Maine and that was good!”
Student Affairs has been maintaining surveillance on every married Northwestern student since PTI’s hiring in 2011. This is the first affair uncovered in the history of the division.
I told myself I would only have a couple drinks. Just enough to ease my nerves for the convocation speech, you know? But PTI kept handing me shot after shot. She may not look it, but let me tell you, PTI can really throw it down.