Professor Hooked on Telling Students to Forget Everything They Know
“The establishment may have poisoned these kids’ minds, but I’m the one who’ll bring out the truth in their hearts!” said Farnigan with a look of crazed euphoria.
Tag Archives: Professor
Math Professor Honestly Doesn’t Even Know
Class suck up and economics major Margo Sanders commented, “Every time I ask him questions, he scribbles illegibly on the board, and shrugs his shoulders as if I magically understand his hieroglyphics.”
Pope Emeritus Relieved to Give up Teaching Sunday School, Focus on Research
VATICAN CITY — Thursday, February 28th marked a monumental day for the Roman Catholic Church, as Pope Benedict XVI switched his red loafers for burgundy and became the first Pope to cede the papacy since the Middle Ages. Prior to his official retirement, the College of Cardinals voted to award Benedict with honorary title of Pope Emeritus, to which Benedict responded, “It’s the least they could do, but I’ll take it. The whole time I was Pope, those tightwads in
Professor Segues To Segue
EVANSTON — Northwestern Media Studies professor Miles Head entered into a ten-minute-long series of conceptual segues last Tuesday while attempting to explain the syllabus to his “History of the Hyperlink” class. The first segue occurred as Professor Head wrapped up his discussion of the syllabus’s “Academic Honesty” section, referring to a “network of scholarly communication.” He then told the class, “and speaking of networks, boy, do I have quite the in-class technology policy.” Students reported that at this moment the
Prospie Unimpressed by Lack of Pipe Smoking Professors
NU Premed Student Cures Cancer, Receives C Grade
EVANSTON—Jason Fisher, an NU Premed student, was shocked when his midterm paper, entitled “Finding the Cure for Cancer”, received a C grade from his professor, Jeffrey Malloy. The paper, which kept Fisher locked in his room for three sleepless nights until its completion, outlines a radical new method that, when applied to lab rats, was successfully able to cause remission of cancer-causing oncogenes. “To tell the truth,” a dreary-eyed Fisher lamented, “I thought the paper was pretty sick. I guess