Obama | Northwestern Flipside

Tag Archives: Obama

Kanye West Interrupts President’s Convocation Address

September 25, 2009 Sam Gutelle Leave a comment

EVANSTON—Northwestern President Morton Schapiro’s convocation address to incoming freshmen was rudely interrupted when Kanye West barged onto the stage and interrupted the speech. The well-known rapper grabbed the microphone from Schapiro’s grip and spoke to the shocked group of freshmen. “I’ve seen crazy things before, but nothing quite like this,” commented freshman John Rennault, “Who would believe that someone as fly as Morton Schapiro would be interrupted in the middle of an address?” After grabbing the mic, West did not

Cheney Ready to Lead Death Panels

September 16, 2009 Nick Zessis Leave a comment

WASINGTON—The former Vice-President has led an outspoken life after completing his second term in January. There is little doubt that he has been critical of the Democratic majority, particularly of President Obama’s decision to close Guantanamo Bay. He was heavily opposed to Obama’s new health care plan as well, until he learned of government “death panels.” “These new death panels,” Dick Cheney told The Flipside in an exuberant state, “will do great things for the American people. It will finally

Controversy Brews over Bo “bin Laden” Obama’s Middle Name

July 11, 2009 Sam Gutelle Leave a comment

Area Man Wondering if Obama’s Dog is Black Enough

July 11, 2009 Sam Gutelle Leave a comment

White House to Be Painted Half Black

July 3, 2009 Nick Zessis Leave a comment

Obama Considers ‘85 Bears Defense To Head Homeland Security

June 29, 2009 Nick Zessis Leave a comment

Obama Considers ‘85 Bears Defense To Head Homeland Security

George W. Bush Proud of Being Able to Name Half the Presidents on Sporcle

May 15, 2009 Sam Gutelle Leave a comment

CRAWFORD, TX—Former President George W. Bush was described as “the happiest he’s been in years” Thursday after he successfully named 22 of the 44 U.S. Presidents on the popular trivia quiz site Sporcle. “George was strutting around the house, grinning like he won the lottery,” explained his wife Laura, “I haven’t seen him that happy since we got Saddam.” Mrs. Bush reported that her husband got off to a strong start, naming most of the early presidents and some more

Jack Bauer Unable to Prevent Terrorists from Releasing Swine Flu

May 1, 2009 Nick Zessis Leave a comment

WASHINGTON—Jack Bauer has been busy. So busy, in fact, that he finally let one slip through his fingers. A terrorist cell in affiliation with a private company in association with a terrorist group helped and then destroyed by Tony Almeda only to be re-affiliated with Tony Almeda in connection with a rogue government agent has successfully released the deadly Swine flu into the general population. Jack Bauer, anti-terrorist extraordinaire, failed to save the U.S. from what could turn into a

Barack Obama Friends Hugo Chavez on Facebook

May 1, 2009 Sam Gutelle Leave a comment

WASHINGTON—After exchanging a handshake and what were described as “warm words” with Hugo Chavez, Barack Obama friended the Venezuelan president on Facebook yesterday. Obama described the move as “a step forward in American foreign policy.” Chavez was quick to accept the friend request, saying he was happy to finally get the respect he deserved from the American government. “All that Bush guy ever did was send me pokes. For crying out loud George, do you have any idea how annoying

Obama Sends Pirates, Depp Hiding

April 17, 2009 Anant Shah Leave a comment

WASHINGTON—This past week, with the capture and subsequent (successful) rebellion of the Maersk Alabama on the Horn of Africa against Somali pirates, President Obama pledged to fight piracy. He had decided to start with the notoriously “reckless” pirate, Jack Sparrow, aka Johnny Depp due to his flamboyant portrayals of piracy in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. Other targeted pirates include Orlando Bloom and Kiera Knightly, as their portrayal of piracy indicated that pirates have some sort of higher purpose.