Realizing He Can’t Win with His Own Policies, Romney Says Exact Same Thing as Obama
Tag Archives: Obama
Scientists Debate Origins of Obama's Same Sex Marriage Stance
WASHINGTON – President Obama has stated that his views on same sex marriage are “evolving,” culminating in an interview where he announced his support for the practice. The scientific community has since been abuzz looking for theories as to why this transformation occurred. The first main camp contains the gradual evolutionists. Evolutionary Biologist William Smith summarized this position, saying, “Obama has had a long political career and has gradually adapted to a changing environment via natural selection.” He added, “Those
White House Correspondents’ Dinner Features a Record 8 Jokes
Golden Corral Protests Buffet Rule
RALEIGH, NC — President Obama is making the “Buffet Rule” a large part of his reelection campaign, but this proposal has met an unexpected challenger in Golden Corral, famous for its delicious buffets. James H. Maynard, chairman of the corporation, released a statement protesting Obama’s plan of minimum payments from those who are able to consume the most. “Obama’s Buffet Rule is nothing but discrimination. We oppose the President in his work to place an unfair burden on our heaviest
Supreme Court Ruling Allows Americans to Choose Between Free Healthcare and Free Cheeseburger
WASHINGTON – A landmark ruling on the legality of “Obamacare” has ended in unexpected compromise. Liberal and conservative factions of the Supreme Court have agreed to allow Americans to choose for themselves between extensive affordable healthcare coverage or a succulent medium-rare quarter-pound cheeseburger. According to Gallup polls, voters are unsure of whether to claim their burger now or wait for secondary rulings on French fry and soft-drink inclusion. Presidential candidate Rick Santorum has already seized the ruling as campaign material.
Obama Mic’d Up
WASHINGTON – President Obama inadvertently left his microphone turned on last Thursday, bluntly revealing to the country what it means to be leader of the free world: [10:02 a.m.] Glad this mic is turned off. [10:05 a.m.] Yo Joe, if I had a son, I hope he wouldn’t look like Mitch McConnell. At least he’d be an American citizen, though. I’m glad we raised taxes so we could spend all that extra money of the birth certificate forging department. [10:08
Obama’s Plan to Grow Handlebar Mustache Meets Quick GOP Backlash
WASHINGTON – President Barack Obama unveiled Tuesday a dramatic new vision for the future of his facial hair. Standing imperially at a podium in the East Room of the White House, Obama announced to the nation, “Today, my face is clean-shaven; my mustache is nonexistent. America, I have decided that this is unacceptable. I have grown the economy the past few years, creating hundreds of thousands of jobs. But I have created nothing on my upper lip. This will all
Aging Obama Makes White House Wheelchair Friendly
Washington – The only thing more obvious than President Barack Obama’s high probability of being re-elected in November is the gray hair he has grown in recent months. With certain victory ahead, Obama will need to retool the White House if he hopes to live through four more years of a grueling presidency. In a 60 Minutes segment, a visibly tired Obama panted to a reporter, “I think it’s fairly obvious that I’m going to be re-elected – I mean,
Lake Michigan Milk Spill Dubbed ‘Most Unexpected Disaster in History’ by President Obama
MILWAUKEE – In response to the milk spill that covered the western rim of Lake Michigan with a layer of milk fat, President Obama visited the shores of Milwaukee to encourage the thousands of volunteers helping in the cleanup effort. The spilled milk has since spread over a large area, reaching as far as Western Michigan and the north shores of Chicago. Images of flocks of geese covered in milk fat have gathered attention from the press and garnered criticism
White House Shooter Takes Metonymy Literally
WASHINGTON – Last Wednesday, Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez fired a semiautomatic rifle at the White House, expecting to slay the building and take down the government. “I kept hearing on the news these crazy things the White House was doing,” said Ortega-Hernandez. “Katie Couric told me that ‘The White House finally passed its healthcare overhaul.’ Brian Williams reported, ‘The White House ordered plane strikes on Libya last week.’ It’s obvious the White House is responsible for the stupid liberal agenda that’s