After considering all probable consequences on ourselves, on the United States, on the whole world, and most importantly, on The Northwestern Flipside, we are proud to endorse Governor Mitt Romney and Vice President Joe Biden for president and vice president in the 2012 election.
HOBOKEN, NJ — This week, after Hurricane Sandy flattened the Jersey Shore, President Obama kindly requested that Americans stop making “Jersey” jokes for at least a week. “Out of respect for our fellow citizens in this time of crisis, I implore you all to stop making fun of New Jersey. Stop making fun of their terrible and confusing highway system. Stop making fun of the fact that the only thing in Newark that’s growing is the crime rate. Stop making
BOCA RATON, FL — Residents of Century Village, a Boca Raton retirement community, gathered to watch the third and final presidential debate Monday night while they played a drinking game with Mylanta, an over the counter treatment for acid reflux. Third floor resident Seymo Best Way To Get Your Ex Back Through Texting ur Cohen organized the drinking game as a good way to have fun and reduce flatulence at the same time. âMonday nights are usually a big night
BOCA RATON, FL — At the third presidential debate at Lynn University, where the median student age is 75 years old, undecided voters finally had the opportunity to see just how far Governor Romney and President Obama will go to criticize each other. The two candidates were in top form as they displayed their ability to dispute literally anything. Romney and Obama sparred on topics such as the war in Afghanistan, relations with China, and the proper pronunciation of âtomatoâ,
FACEBOOK â- Following your decision to watch a Presidential debate and post a Facebook status in support of your preferred candidate, area man William Burton, whom sources indicate you dimly remember from your days in summer camp, has already left three lengthy comments on your original post detailing exactly how and why you are a propaganda-spewing shill for an illegitimate political movement. Burton began his tirade by telling you how âdisappointedâ he was to see you supporting a rival politician
HEMPSTEAD, NY – Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are no closer today than they were yesterday in catching the elusive Great White Undecided Voter. After releasing their nets and (de)baiting their fishing lines during Tuesdayâs town hall meeting, neither candidate was able to harpoon their quarry and the polls have stayed static. Attention has been brought specifically to the White Undecided Voter because the other voters have already been hunted to extinction. According to marine-biologist-turned-political-pundit Richard Jackson, âPresident Obama has
EVANSTON – The Northwestern custodial staff reported Friday that 85% of all toilets, including urinals, in Northwestern dormitories became clogged on Wednesday night between 8 and 11 PM. The rules for several Presidential debate drinking games had been circling around campus in the days prior to the debate. One group of drinkers reported the following guidelines: drinking if either candidate argues with the moderator, drinking if either candidate addresses his opponent in the third person, drinking if Obama falls asleep
BEIJING â Chinese officials were surprised to learn Thursday morning that their indirect funding of PBS grants them the power to determine the content of Sesame Street episodes. Mitt Romney alerted the world to this fact during Wednesday nightâs presidential debate, when he promised, âI will eliminate all programs that donât pass this test: is the program so critical itâs worth borrowing money from China to pay for it? Iâm sorry, Jim, Iâm going to stop the subsidy to PBS.
