Urkel has been locked 24/7 in a small, heavily guarded cell in a classified location, but his lawyers have reported that he’s enthusiastic that he’ll get off because “there’s always the next episode”.
SOUTH BEND, IN — After a hard fought loss to the Northwestern Wildcats, the University of Notre Dame has decided to change its religious affiliation from Catholic to Agnostic. The first of its kind, Notre Dame’s newfound institutional agnosticism was predicated on the overwhelming sense of confusion, frustration, and spiritual suffering following the Fighting Irish’s Saturday evening loss. “After such a clear display of the lack of justice and righteousness on this earth, Notre Dame felt it was unconscionable to
SOUTH BEND, IN — It looks like Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad have some explaining to do. God does not exist, and an investigation launched by Notre Dame University on December 26th confirms the news. The investigation was initiated after there was no Christmas miracle and Manti Te’o failed to win the Heisman. All doubt was removed after the heathens from Alabama routed Notre Dame 42-10 in the BCS National Championship. According to coach Brian Kelly, “Nobody is watching over us,
UGH. I just can’t believe we’re back already. It’s not even that I don’t want to do school work again, I mean I’m really excited to get to the nitty-gritty in “Gender Studies 205: Why it’s so Hard to be a Woman” and “History 307: A History of Every Repressed Culture in History.” It’s just that Northwestern is like SO, heteronormative.