Northwestern Football Spends $10 Billion On Performance-Enhancing Drugs For Players, Still Can’t Seem to Win
Northwestern Football Spends $10 Billion on Performance Enhancing Drugs for Players, Still Can’t Seem to Win
Tag Archives: Northwestern Football
Ancestral Ojibwe Call for End of Land Acknowledgements: “We Don’t Want Anything to Do With This Football Team.”
After Northwestern’s humiliating loss to Southern Illinois University, the Ojibwe—no longer wanting to associate with such an embarrassment of a football team—pulled out from their weekly game-time land acknowledgment. A land acknowledgement, recognizing the ancestral land upon which a particular activity or sports event takes place, is typically conducted at halftime during Northwestern football games. Vice President and Associate Provost for Diversity and Inclusion and Chief Diversity Officer Dr. Robin Coleman spoke out regarding the confusing omission at Saturday’s game.
From The Archives: An Op-ed: Why Do Our Croquet Players Get Donkeys To Ride Around Campus? They Are Dreadful!
They are a plague on this campus – the likes of which have never been and will never be seen again.
Pessimistic Student Will Just Occasionally Yell “Safety School” At Visiting Ohio State
With the mighty Ohio State Buckeyes set to visit Northwestern on Friday evening, many students found themselves pessimistic, and in some cases completely resigned to defeat. But for one Medill sophomore, pessimism wasn’t a barrier to doing what she loves: putting down her opponent’s intellect. “I know our odds don’t look too great,” slurred Northwestern University sophomore Joanna Booth, in line outside of the student entrance at Ryan Field. “But there’s always a solution that makes us look really, really
NU and Ohio State Fans Bond Pregame with Indy Favorite, Meth
The bitter rivalry between Northwestern and Ohio State fans sparked by the Big Ten Championship Game this Saturday came to a surprisingly peaceful conclusion at a local tailgate with the help of a Hoosier classic. When Northwestern football fan, Bill Werner, initially crashed the tailgate, it appeared relatively ordinary. “I wandered into a backyard and started eating the nearest hot dog,” said Werner. “Next thing I knew, the meth pipe was in my hand.” “The Northwestern fans started out chanting
Morty deems scooters “too straining” on football players, instead gives them piggy-back rides through campus
Athletic trainers and strength coaches workshopped several ideas before they arrived upon the piggy-backing.
Despite Record Yardage, Northwestern Almost Doesn’t Not Blow 27-Point Lead
Northwestern to Replace Football Team with Real Athletes
EVANSTON – Following Saturday’s loss to Iowa, the Northwestern athletic department has decided to take a new approach in managing the football team. Luke Harrison, Director of Athletics, explained Monday that the coaching staff has decided to replace the entire football team. “The fact of the matter is, we have the potential to be a really good team. The thing that is really messing up our players is the fact that they are students at Northwestern,” Harrison said. “We realized
Trix Rabbit Eludes NU Defense, Eats First Ever Bowl of Trix
IOWA CITY, IA – Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. Human kids. Or are they? Since 1959, the Trix rabbit (pictured) has been unable to taste the sweet sugary goodness of Trix cereal. Although he has come close in nearly every commercial, his attempts have always been thwarted at the last second by young children. That all changed last Saturday. “We just finished our team warm-ups before sitting down for breakfast in the team hotel,” a Northwestern linebacker, who wished