âI Canât Turn It Off!â Screams Morty, Hurtling Past Onlookers in a Golf Cart
“Once he gets an idea in his head you better make sure you hide the high-energy combustibles or heâll get in there, believe you me.”
Tag Archives: Morty
Loud Noise Has Morty Pull Covers Higher Over Head
It took the promise of an extra juice box with breakfast before heâd even poke his head out.
Morty Down to Three Juice Boxes a Day
Many sources have speculated that this development will surely be good for Northwestern morale.
Op-Ed: My President was White
To my knowledge, Morty is not black, or any other race other than white.
Morty Goes as âSexy Safe Spaceâ for Halloween
âHis costume totally rejected gender binary,â said Veronica Keller, SESP â20. âYou honestly couldnât tell if he was being slutty in a dude way or a girl way.”
âSexy Mortyâ Costume Back in Stores This Halloween
The costume has already sold out through online pre orders, but Norris assures that they will restock soon.
Morty Grapefruited by Wife
Sources report that Morty was in fact at Auntie Angelâs event, where she demonstrated how to use common fruits and vegetables for erotic pleasure.
Freshman Breaks Arm Skating, Norris Ice Rink Not Safe Space
After paramedics arrived to whisk Carlson off to the hospital, Norris staff made the decision to shut down the rink indefinitely.
Morty Invites Mayor Tisdahl to His “Safe Space”
A recent email chain recovered by Flipside reporters exposes an exchange between Northwestern President Morton Schapiro and Evanston Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl.
Morty Drops Mixtape at 3 a.m.
Tuition Hike has already been met with intense scrutiny by some of the most renowned critics in the music industry.