No, Taylor Swift is NOT the Highest Grossing Burger King Franchise in the Nation
“Man, I could’ve sworn ten-time Grammy award-winning singer/songwriter Taylor Swift was actually an Evanston-based Burger King making $8,000 a week.”
Tag Archives: Money
Prayers Go Out to Sorority Sister after Dad Doesn’t Fill her Bank Account in Time for Bar Crawl
A candlelight vigil is scheduled for this Wednesday to commemorate the tragedy.
Kellogg Renovation to Include Only the Finest Silks and Draperies
A tapestry depicting the crushing of a philosophy major’s dreams under the boot of market forces has already been put up in the faculty lounge on the third floor.
Op-Ed: Mowing Your Parents’ Lawn Will Build More Character Than an Internship
Are you aware of how hot the tech and engineering industry is these days? I’m going to be working with an ancient, gasoline-guzzling, rusty push mower that my parents have refused to replace since the early 2000s.
Northwestern Unveils New Slogan: “Yum Yum Yum Money Money Money Yum Money Yum”
“We wanted to distance ourselves from this debate over work culture and proper mental care to focus on what we think the university really stands for. Money.”
Area Mom Excited To Meet Daughter’s Sugar Daddy This Christmas
“I’m so glad I came to Northwestern—these are the kinds of opportunities only a top-tier university could offer,” she said, examining her new Cartier diamond watch.
Blaze Pizza To Host Profit Share With Itself
Accordingly, all sales generated by the pizzeria over the next few days will be reinvested into corporate improvements and managerial salaries.
The Flipside’s Guide to Finance
These lucrative tips have made our illustrious paper the 10th wealthiest bi-weekly satirical publication on campus, and once you’ve read this article, you’ll have no excuse not to be rich.
Athlete Fails to Grasp Why 110% Sale Is Losing Money
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ – NFL Hall of Famer Joe Namath will not be entering the hypothetical Well-Run-Business Hall of Fame. Namath was sad to announce Sunday that his restaurant, Joe’s Bar and Grill, will be shutting its doors permanently at the end of the month. Namath attributed this decision to the fact that he “was losing money faster than [he] can throw a football. Customers would walk in, flash a coupon, and walk out with a wad of cash.” Namath
McGraw-Hill Thwarts Resellers with New “Self-Immolating” Textbooks