Local Dickhead Masturbates Over Colorful and Crowded Google Calendar
Norbucks was awash with shock and disgust this week as local dickhead, Derek Havey, touched himself to the image of his overly-colorful and very crowded Google Calendar.
Tag Archives: Masturbation
Public Masturbator Spotted in Evanston Foretells Six More Weeks of Winter
“You go almost the entire winter, and you think, ‘maybe this season I’ll make it through without seeing some dude Jack-Frosting it outside my dorm, but that’s just how March goes.”
Area Loser Learns He Can Masturbate Without Crying
“There I was, just going through the motions with my tear bucket and picture of Melisandre from Game of Thrones, and somehow I just started playing the skin flute without anything coming out! Of my eyes that is.”
Area Man “So Turned On” by Fantasy Baseball Team
INTERNET – Area man, Billy Smith, has the best fantasy baseball team, EVER. In fact, it is so great, that Smith reported getting an erection when the league draft ended. “My team is so awesome that I’ll be able to fantasize about it for years to come,” Smith told his girlfriend, Cynthia Walder, on Friday. The couple was enjoying March Madness, when it became clear that Smith was unable to concentrate. He kept going into his room during crucial moments
[Future Issue: 2161] Lord ╒╤╤╧▲▪▫◙ Orders Earthlings to Stop Masturbating So Much
Wisconsin Freshman Marvels at Homeless Man Masturbating on Purple Line
“Everyone pretty much ignored it, so I figured that it was normal. We don’t have that up north.”
Following Defeat, O’Donnell Relapses into Witchcraft, Masturbation
“Curiously, she tends to yell Obama’s name during both.”