Tag Archives: Internet

Area Man Defriends Facebook “Friend” on Friend’s Birthday

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MILWAUKEE, WI — Milwaukee native George Waterson defriended his Facebook friend David Debbleby Monday night. Monday was Debbleby’s birthday. “I really don’t like David,” said Waterson. “I had actually forgotten we were still Facebook friends, but I guess he was just hidden from my newsfeed.” The two became Facebook friends in 2007, when both men were in the same group for a high school English project that involved a computer slideshow presentation, a speech, a short written report, and the

Read more No. 97, Sci/Tech

Social Media Savvy Students Look for Job Availabilities

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EVANSTON — With annual winter job and internship fairs approaching, many Northwestern students are crossing their fingers in hopes that their “social media skills” will be as highly sought-after as that one article they read on Forbes a month ago reported was a possibility. “I’m a social media expert,” said Weinberg junior Justin Thomas. “I am proficient in Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Tumblr, and now SnapChat.” According to a recent career services survey, over the past year many formerly undecided undergrads

Read more Local, No. 96, Sci/Tech

World Strangely Disappointed by Felix Baumgartner’s Safe Landing

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INNER CONSCIOUS, SOMEWHERE NEXT TO THE STOMACH — When Austrian Professional Skydiver Felix Baumgartner jumped off the helium balloon in an attempt to break several world records, the entire world watched carefully in a state of mixed emotions. For many, it was an experience that lead to the discovery of their own sick, terrifying minds. When Brad, a thoroughly average human being, first came across the link on Facebook he first thought, “Oh well, just another Red Bull publicity scheme,

Read more No. 89, World

Area Man “So Turned On” by Fantasy Baseball Team

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INTERNET – Area man, Billy Smith, has the best fantasy baseball team, EVER. In fact, it is so great, that Smith reported getting an erection when the league draft ended. “My team is so awesome that I’ll be able to fantasize about it for years to come,” Smith told his girlfriend, Cynthia Walder, on Friday. The couple was enjoying March Madness, when it became clear that Smith was unable to concentrate. He kept going into his room during crucial moments

Read more No. 78, Sports

Northwestern Finally Breaks Top 10 in Sporcle College Rankings

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EVANSTON – The online quiz site Sporcle.com released its weekly college rankings Monday, and Northwestern University was for the first time in the Top 10. “While the number 10 is really not much different than, say, 12 or 13,” explained Northwestern President Morty Schapiro in an email to students sent at 2:00 AM, “it represents a symbolic victory in our decimal-based society. Let us celebrate our recognition as a top-tier school, where our students are able to name the US

Read more Local, No. 78

SOPA Uproar Leads Area Man to Discover Internet for First Time

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A special editorial from area man Bob McCulloghy So this past Sunday night, I was flipping through the most recent issue of Life Magazine, watching some good ole’ public broadcast television – and I heard about this SOPA thing. Barbara Calhoun was reporting that if SOPA happened, this thing called ‘The Internet’ would start getting regulated by the government. Now I’m not normally one to judge the government – they’ve never done anything to me. Every day, I wake up

Read more Articles, No. 73, Opinion

Obama Completes Every Quiz on Sporcle; Republicans Win the House

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WASHINGTON—President Obama announced his accomplishment of all 116,365 games on Sporcle one week after the 60-seat Republican sweep of the House. With Republican legislators sure to halt any legislation supported by the Democrats, Obama now has free time to kick back in the Oval Office. “After Tuesday night, I got to thinking about all of those college-aged young people who came out in droves for me in 2008 and considered going to polls this election but decided to watch The

Read more No. 45, Politics

Amish Farmer Blogs, Tweets about Evils of Technology

LANCASTER, PA—Ezekiel Lambright has found an outlet for his frustration at the complexities of modern society: the internet. A Pennsylvania Amish hog farmer, Lambright says that his desire to speak out began six months ago, when he found that his sons had been hiding their cell phone use. “I couldn’t believe my eyes! It’s like all our teachings were for naught! Jebediah and Abraham had not only been using cellular telephones, but they had run up an astronomical charge for

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