BREAKING: Instead of CTECs, Northwestern Students May Now Rate Classes by Selecting One of Dante Aligheri’s Nine Circles of Hell
“My econ professor gave us an assignment to freeze for all eternity,” remarks an anonymous sophomore.
Tag Archives: Hell
“‘Perjury’ Is the Name of a Drinking Game,” Explains Kavanaugh
In an interview with ABC News today, Justice Brett Kavanaugh explained that the “Perjury” mentioned in his high school yearbook is a drinking game and not a felony.
Northwestern Student Body Headed Straight to Hell
“I think I saw the mad glint of their god’s eye today. His shriveled white prophet made it explicit when he condemned me to hellfire lest I repent. Those are damn convincing words.”
SOFO Training Expanded to Quarter-Long .34 Credit Class
This class, listed as SOFO_391, will be available starting Fall 2016 and will be worth .34 credits.
Task Force Recommends 174 One-Day Quarters
“I’m already envisioning my morning routine. Wake up. Take a midterm. Brush my teeth, take a midterm. Shower. Take a midterm.”
STUDY: The Ohio State University is Worst Institution
“Our study compared The Ohio State University to not only formally structured institutions such as the Ku Klux Klan and Al Qaeda, but also societal institutions such as bigotry and poverty,” said leading author Professor Richard Ashley.