Study Confirms That, Despite Wanting to, Gays Cannot Create Hurricanes
“It’s not like we haven’t tried,” said Ainsley.
Tag Archives: Government
Barron Trump Entertained by Puppet Government
Several sources close to the Trump family have voiced concern over how much time he spends watching the soulless pawns dance across the screen, but Marcellus isn’t worried: “If anything, this is what his father would have wanted.”
Iowa Caucus to be Replaced with Russian Roulette
“We’ve decided that in order to boost election coverage and please all sides of our parties, we decided that we would choose our candidates through a game of chance.”
House Republicans Shoot down Equal Pay Bill, Protect American Inequality
Representative Brett Guthrie said, “Look, a man makes a dollar and a woman makes sixty cents. That’s following the three-fifths compromise to a T. I don’t see what the big deal is.”
Congress Refuses to Compromise between Parties
Bars in the District of Columbia have been filled with congressmen all month, and private parties are held almost daily.
Evanston Congresswoman Arrested for Being a Model Citizen
“Members of Congress are expected to comply with the long-upheld standard of doing nothing right,” said Head of Congressional Security Ron Mullins.
Army-Navy Game Canceled, Army at Syria to Go on as Scheduled
The Air Force, Navy, and Army football games were put into jeopardy due to the government shutdown that began last Tuesday. The upcoming match in Syria will continue the rivalry between the Army and nearly every team in the MEC (Middle Eastern Conference).
Government Shuts Down, Requires Human Sacrifice
“At… At first I thought that we could just throw some illegals its way and everything would be fine, but then I realized that it only wanted Americans,” stammered House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA).
Congress Discovers the Internet; Decides to Ban it
Cheney Ready to Lead Death Panels
WASINGTON—The former Vice-President has led an outspoken life after completing his second term in January. There is little doubt that he has been critical of the Democratic majority, particularly of President Obama’s decision to close Guantanamo Bay. He was heavily opposed to Obama’s new health care plan as well, until he learned of government “death panels.” “These new death panels,” Dick Cheney told The Flipside in an exuberant state, “will do great things for the American people. It will finally