Study Confirms That, Despite Wanting to, Gays Cannot Create Hurricanes
“It’s not like we haven’t tried,” said Ainsley.
Tag Archives: global warming
Global Warming Activists Only Students Not Excited About Warmer Weather
On Monday, student activists from the eco-organization It’s Not Easy Being Green (INEBG) set up a booth to educate community members on the effects of global warming.
Climatologists Give Up; Move to Brazil
“Global Warming wins,” announces scientist in swim suit.
McCormick Students Face Toughest Challenge Yet: Making Water Freeze
EVANSTON — Every quarter for their DTC projects, groups of McCormick students design various novel devices, from prosthetic arms to penguin feet. This quarter, one unlucky group has been given the most formidable challenge the engineering school has ever proposed: reopening the Norris Ice Rink. “We realize that this is a tough task,” said Mark Turner, a freshman civil engineer. “Even mother nature couldn’t get the ice rink open. That’s where engineering comes in.” The group of eager engineers are
SEED Lets Clothes Air-Dry; Global Warming Solved
EVANSTON—SEED, or Students for Ecological and Environmental Development, ended the problem of global warming Sunday, Oct. 10, by hanging up the laundry outside Norris University Center. “This was a very unexpected result!” exclaimed SEED member Ann Temnoriv. “I think it had something to do with the fact that the clothes were hung up in the shape of a giant 350.” Dropping temperatures across the northern United States and Canada confirmed SEED’s suspicion. In the last week alone, many Northwestern students
Freezing Cold Weather Returns; Environmentalists Rejoice
EVANSTON—Members of the Northwestern University student organization Coalition Against Climate Change announced today that they were “satisfied” to see the return of wintry weather. “We are pleased and happy to report that the cold weather is back,” said senior Mike Daly, president of the Coalition. “You guys don’t understand how freaked out we were last week.” Daly is referring to the flash of warmth Evanston experienced last week, when high temperatures reached mid-40s. “Seriously, we were freaking out about global
True Cause of Global Warming Discovered
WASHINGTON—The EPA recently released a shocking comprehensive report in which they revealed the true cause of global warming: the end of the Cold War. Although the Cold War neared its end twenty years ago with the collapse of the Berlin Wall, its effects on global temperatures are just now being discovered. According to lead scientist Bill Nye, “the frigid diplomatic relations between the United States and the former USSR were the chief source of global cooling and an effective combatant