“Originally I was undecided,” claimed Cohen, “but after my parents thought that I meant ‘happy’ when I told them I was gay, I knew that I needed to take drastic measures to communicate my sexuality. So I charged my US Gay & Lesbian History textbooks to my family’s Amazon account.”
“I saw it was from my grandpa, and I knew I had made a mistake when I mentioned my gender studies class to my family over the holidays.”
“The class begins with the abstract: what a relationship is and why someone would want one. Later on we get into the nitty gritty details, like how to hold hands and the science of maintaining eye contact.”
“He’s trying to pretend he’s Romeo when he comes off as a coked-up Charlie Sheen every time he talks to a girl.”
EVANSTON—A controversial new initiative sponsored by the Gender Studies department intends to revive customs long thought by intellectual heavyweights to be part and parcel of outmoded gender concepts. Though it may be difficult to imagine now, there was once a time when women had to fend off the attentions of men on campus, who would approach them, signal their interest, begin a conversation, and finally ask them out to some form of social gathering. The women, it was reported, would