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Tag Archives: Freshman
Freshman Rushes YYZ
Freshman Still Believes She Will Visit Chicago Sometime
EVANSTON – McCormick Freshman Casey Chad said Monday that she still believes that she will spend a significant amount of time in downtown Chicago at some point this year. âDuring fall quarter I just had to get acquainted with Northwestern and make friends who will come to the city with me,â Chad explained. âNext quarter Iâm going to go to the city for sure! Well, maybe not winter quarter, actually, because itâll be cold. It gets really cold in Chicago,
Freshman Participates in Dance Marathon, Gives Up After Two Miles
CHICAGO – Clarence MacMillan, a member of the class of 2015, tried to complete last weekâs Chicago marathon while dancing. The Weinberg freshman was seen fist-bumping and electric-sliding his way through the first two miles before a fellow contestant explained about what a complete asshole he looked like. âEveryone on Facebook was talking about signing up for Dance Marathon, I thought I would give it a shot,â he said. âThey mentioned something about thirty hours, and like, come on bro,
Freshman Too Drunk to Find Dillo Day
SKOKIE â One Northwestern freshman spent the most anticipated day of the year aimlessly wandering through the scenic village of Skokie. The hours of a.m. drinking forced David Eager to head West on Dillo Day, instead of East toward the lakefill. âThere are really only two things you need to know how to do on Dillo Day,â Mayfest co-chair Chase âMaystacheâ Jacksons explained to Flipside investigators. âDrink large quantities of alcohol and have the common sense to head towards music
Professors Fail to Satisfy Freshmen; Midterm Exams Deemed Premature
EVANSTONâHundreds of freshmen students have voiced complaints against the inadequate time professors spend on preparations for midterm examinations. Virgins to the quarter system, their groans reached a climax on Tuesday, when French professor Jim Levenstein announced that students would begin their oral exams two weeks ahead of schedule. âItâs not fair,â moaned freshman Nadia Horner, a student of Professor Levenstein. âjust as Iâm totally getting into the class and learning some new things, he tells us we have to perform
NU Student Discovers His Shit Does Not Stink
EVANSTONâAfter weeks of posturing and discussing getting laid, Weinberg Freshman Alan Simpson discovered Thursday that his shit literally does not stink. The revelation came as a shock to many who knew him. âI was just about to flush the toilet, when I thought, âHey, thatâs weirdâ,â Simpson said. âSo I got a little closer, and sure enough, it didn’t smell bad, like, at all.â Simpsonâs roommate, Robert Talley, was caught by surprise. âFor the first couple weeks, he just seemed
Incoming WCAS Freshman Aware of Desired Major
…And no…it’s not psychology….
Freshman Struggles to Find “TBA” Building
Activities Fair Perfect Time to Brush Against Cute Girlâs Ass
EVANSTONâThis Monday, freshmen poured into Norris for the Activities Fair, a time-worn Northwestern tradition in which members of the incoming class sign away their inboxes to listserv upon listserv in exchange for free candy. The entire Class of 2013 was successfully crammed into the student center, effectively causing what administrators called âa fire code nightmare.â Some freshmen, however, decided to turn the close-quarters situation into their advantage. Casually walking past the âGermâany Disease Association, young freshmen like Jeff Lerman moved