When a vicious tiger escaped from a zoo and terrorized local neighborhoods, the obvious solution was to build a tall fence around the area where the tiger was roaming.
EVANSTON — A devastating dormitory flood this past Monday left hundreds of residents in Slivka Residence Hall on North Campus without textbooks, graph paper, or TI-89 calculators. Reports indicate that the calamity may have been caused either by a malfunctioning radiator or the collective tears of three sophomore biomedical engineers studying for their Accelerated Organic Chemistry midterm. Beginning sometime between the hours of 4:00 and 7:00 AM in Suite 220 on the second floor, the storm surge penetrated suites 230,
NEW YORK—Last Friday, the United Nations Subcommittee on Natural Disasters released a report crediting the International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC) with the recent Pakistani floods that have left 21 million homeless. The investigation cited anonymous sources in the organization, who said the disaster created “new publicity and fundraising opportunities.” Red Cross President Jakob Kellenberger immediately accepted full responsibility for the floods. In a recent press conference, the President promised that, due to conflict-of-interest concerns, the organization would remove