“A clerical error was made, causing too many people to be assigned to the main parade convertible. Someone needed to be removed. Considering last week’s result against Michigan, Fitz was the obvious choice.”
“He gave such an outstanding insight into our topic that I immediately felt guilty about all of the times I devalued his academic worth.”
SOUTH BEND, IN — After a hard fought loss to the Northwestern Wildcats, the University of Notre Dame has decided to change its religious affiliation from Catholic to Agnostic. The first of its kind, Notre Dame’s newfound institutional agnosticism was predicated on the overwhelming sense of confusion, frustration, and spiritual suffering following the Fighting Irish’s Saturday evening loss. “After such a clear display of the lack of justice and righteousness on this earth, Notre Dame felt it was unconscionable to
When I was three years old, my Pa-Paw handed me a bucket of corn and told me to get to work. I’d never done this before, but three-year-old me picked it right up.
While the Northwestern team repeatedly threw the ball very far and oftentimes ran with it after making these very far throws, the other team was able to more effectively perform a similar sequence of throwing, catching, and running with the football.
A healthy amount of national attention, a near-victory over a national championship contender, and a successful Hail Mary were just a few of the things that have made this season memorable so far. Yet, it could all be in vain due to Venric Mark’s season-ending injury.
“We could definitely use you Foresters right about now,” said a wincing Fitzgerald to Lake Forest officials, which participated in the founding of the Big Ten in 1895 while never actually joining the association.
“There is no meaning or hope in this universe devoid of stability, sacredness, and our best two players,” said Fitzgerald. “There is only the inevitability of misplaced anticipation and false prospect colliding headfirst with the reality of despair and inevitable defeat.”