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Ask Flippy: The Doctor Said My Joints are Messed Up. How Do I Show this Clown I Roll the Best?

January 29, 2025 Jameson Onayo Leave a comment

Dear Flippy, Last week I went to the doctor for a long-overdue checkup (I’m United Healthcare and figured they probably wouldn’t want to deny my claim). Overall, I’m in good health! My blood pressure is down to 170/100, and my doctor said my weight is in the 95th percentile for my height–which means lower than 95% of the population. How could he tell I’d been dieting? There’s just one problem: He said he was worried about my joints. Something about

Read more Articles, Ask Flippy, Featured, Latest News, No. 399, Uncategorized, Year 17

From the Archives: Dr. Frankenstein says Monstrosity will be solved on a “State and Local Level”

February 18, 2022 Jack Lin Leave a comment

Dr. Frankenstein has worked tirelessly for the past year containing the Monster, pushing the German population to observe distancing of 60 meters from the Monster at all times.

Read more Articles, Featured, Nation, No. 343, Year 14

Op-Ed: Why I decided to let my pre-med friend perform my appendectomy in the Slivka common room

November 23, 2021 Chloe Sokol One comment

She so brilliantly did a quick WebMD search for me.

Read more Articles, Local, No. 337, Opinion, Year 14

Searle Doctor Declares Dead Body “Fine” after Strep Test Comes Back Negative

November 10, 2019 Delaney Glassner Leave a comment

“Her body may be slowly eroding, but that’s a-okay, because she definitely doesn’t have Strep!” said Dr. Lou.

Read more 289, Featured, Local, Uncategorized

Morty Confused Why He Can’t See His Pediatrician Anymore

October 21, 2018 Caleb Young Leave a comment

In a rambling speech on Tuesday, University President Morton Shapiro admitted to Northwestern’s Board of Trustees that he’s not really sure why he can’t keep seeing his pediatrician. “I just felt like I had a special connection with Dr. Tottles,” Morty lamented to the confused room of trustees, who thought they were getting a speech about the university budget. “Every time he would put one of my little hairs under his microscope and tell me he could see AND in