To save the day, he turned to one of his playlists titled âTighty Whities,â a term he created to describe songs that white people, who still use the word âtight,â think are âtight.â
Many students were indignant after one of his playlists was revealed to be named âSongs to listen to while my admin guts student org funding <3.â The playlist included songs such as âAnti-Heroâ by Taylor Swift and âBadâ by Michael Jackson.
This is Hubert Parsley (class of â20), speaking to you live on-air from the newly-repurposed Telegraph Room in Deering, Northwesternâs only library.
âFrom day one, we wanted to create a Dillo Day for everyone,â said Bailee
Golden, Mayfestâs Diversity and Inclusion chair. âHaving the multi-lingual Duolingo owl as our âethnic opener,â if you will, is going to ensure that this Dillo isnât just for privileged English-speakers.â
âI just canât get no satisfaction,â says the impersonator who vaguely resembles Mick Jagger.
In situations where she might find herself saying, âyouâll never guess whoâs going to be on the Main Stage this year!â or âGuys, I have literally wanted a Ferris wheel on the Lakefill since I was born,â she now just stands there without making a peep.
During the performance of a highly amusing skit in which the members of the troupe pretended to be people with practical professions, one of the Barnyard Boys tripped and knocked over the elaborate array of candles set up to provide illumination at that late hour.
âJesus fucking Christ, please tell me this isnât happening,â Jason Rothman (WCAS â19) said as he shook his head in dismay.
Local sources have reported that area freshman Barry Danovar reportedly said âLol, more like Dildo Day, am I rightâ at a local party in an attempt to pick up chicks last night.
Sources have been reporting for the last few days that Northwestern President Morton âMortyâ Schapiro has recently decided to bust out his temporary tattoo collection in preparation for Dillo Day.