COVID test burglary results in one swab for everyone to share
In the aftermath of the theft, the one swab, dubbed “Ole Faithful”, could be found lying underneath the ransacked shelves of its fallen brethren.
Tag Archives: Crime
Ask Flippy: The Walmarts I’m Buying Keep Mysteriously Burning Down, How Do I Get a Property Loan?
They say that if you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day, but if you purchase a local Walmart franchise you effectively own all the fish within a two-mile radius.
Fatal Accident After Professor Assigns ‘Headshot’ to ROTC Instead of RTVF Student
“I also told him to ‘shoot quickly’ because the camera was low on battery, but I guess he misinterpreted that part, too.”
Northwestern Vineyard Vines Cartel Encroaches on Patagonia Territory
Per University policy, a travel advisory is in effect for large portions of the frat quad. Students are warned that accepting any free merchandise may result in violence. Last week, Trent Chadwick, WCAS ’21, was found stripped and bound outside of SPAC with a crude mountain range spray painted on his chest.
EPD Officer Wishing He Was Assigned to Reel Big Fish’s Set
EVANSTON – Following assignment postings for EPD and campus security personnel in anticipation of 2012 Dillo Day events, Evanston police officer Eric Mills, 29, expressed regret that he would not be stationed at the Lakefill for the Reel Big Fish performance. “I mean, yeah, Cold War Kids are alright and all,” Mills reportedly told his supervisor, “but Cheer Up! was one of my favorite albums back when I was in college. And I can’t think of any better way to
70-Year-Old CSO Successfully Prevents a Crime
EVANSTON – Jack Weller, a Community Service Officer working the Wednesday-evening night shift in the Foster-Walker lobby, was honored by the Evanston Police Department Tuesday for unprecedented heroics. Weller is now the first CSO in over a decade to actually thwart an ongoing crime, a task that the celebrated hero attributed to “I have no idea how that actually worked.” According to reports filed with the EPD, John Weller was unobtrusively reading at the front desk when he heard shouts