Northwestern To Cancel Aggressive COVID Countermeasures, Will Instead Impose Economic Sanctions
Figora and Northwestern are not afraid to stand down in the face of danger
Tag Archives: covid
From the Archives: Dr. Frankenstein says Monstrosity will be solved on a “State and Local Level”
Dr. Frankenstein has worked tirelessly for the past year containing the Monster, pushing the German population to observe distancing of 60 meters from the Monster at all times.
Angry AO3 Fanfiction About OC “Fuke Ligora” Describes Campus Shockingly Similar to Northwestern
“In Chapter 12, after deciding to hoard even more BINAX-Now’s by blocking incoming shipments of at-home tests, Fuke Ligora cackles with glee about his evil plan in the office of his supervisor Shorty Mapiro.”
“Omi-Cron Kenobi” officially least favorite character in Star Wars/CDC multiverse
Reports from test audiences found Kanobi to “get under people’s skin”.
Breaking: Kellogg Study Finds COVID Had Impact on Humans
“We cannot definitively say whether the impact of COVID was positive or negative, only that it existed” said lead researcher Daniel Hamphery. “Honestly if you guys could spread it around some more that would make it much easier for us to see what’s up in the future.”
Northwestern Implements New Rectal COVID Testing
Northwestern Administration figured there may as well be an enjoyable experience at the end of the long-ass wait.
“They Cut Me Out, And Now It’s Time To Pay,” Cackles A Third Johnson In New Blackmail Video
“Because of my unbeatable toe fungus, I was the one voted out of the company.”
Couple with COVID Probably Having Hot Quarantine Sex in Plex, You’re Having Dining Hall Chickpeas On a Friday Night
Speaking of safety, these active couples aren’t putting it first. But are we really surprised that they’re avoiding protection when they already have a hard time keeping their masks above their noses? Let’s cut them some slack. After all, it’s just not the same with a mask on.
BREAKING: Chips Ahoy! Employees Test Negative for COVID-19, Positive for Scurvy
The highly complex testing process included having blood drawn, mopping the deck and sparring with a member of a feuding ship.
The Flipside Guide to: staying humble when you single-handedly put your entire hometown back in quarantine
No matter the slack you get from the Moms of Springfield Facebook group, don’t stop partying!