CAPS, ZenLeaf Merge To Launch “Just Touch Grass” Campaign
Students who can’t turn that frown upside down after 3 CAPS appointments will receive vouchers for free flower.
Tag Archives: caps
University Rolls Out Squid Game-Style Competition to Secure Spot on CAPS Waitlist
“We’re eliminating so much more than just students,” one local administrator explains. “We’re eliminating the stigma around mental health here on campus. We’re doing real work here.”
CAPS to Hand Out SSRIs to Trick-or-Treaters
“As a grown man living in America in 2017, I know that people just want the quickest possible solution to their mental health problems, and giving them drugs is easier than talking to them about their issues.”
Winner of “Busiest Schedule” Competition Earns Sweet Release of Death
Kreinbihl clinched the competition by pulling a 52-hour Adderall-boosted “catch-up session,” much to the dismay of her housemates.
Area Student Disturbed by Lack of Stress in Life
“There’s just so many hours in the day. I always have time to complete my homework five days in advance, attend four meetings a day, and sing my baby sister to sleep on the phone.”
Freshman Saving Free CAPS Sessions for Winter Quarter
Local Freshman Josh Camas, WCAS ’19, has been held up in his room at Willard for the past three weeks.Camas has been going through bouts of anxiety and depression following his start at Northwestern.
Cops and CAPS Wage War on Happiness
It appears that these two organizations have secretly joined forces with the Dementors of Azkaban to foster gloominess among the students at Northwestern.
Flappy Bird More Addictive Than Hard Drugs; Schapiro to Ban It at NU
“Due to the drastic levels of Flappy Bird being played on this campus, I’m instituting threat level DEFCON 0.003. In other words, this is the most serious threat to our Northwestern community since classes were held during the polar vortex.”
Big/Little Week Coincides with Body Acceptance Week
EVANSTON — It appears that in their perhaps overenthusiastic preparation for Big/Little Week, campus sororities have inadvertently undone preparations for Body Acceptance Week, sponsored by Northwestern Counseling and Psychological Services. “Changing the language from mom/daughter to big/little is great for the new members, but for a lot of sororities it may have actually caused more harm than good,” said CAPS spokeswoman Deborah McCormick. This year’s “bigs” reportedly want to feel less big. According to a study conducted by extremely bored