J.D. Vance on validity of 2020 election: “Bro, you’re not valid”
We decided to hire two of the country’s best frat bros, Chad Trent and Trevor Brent, as debate advisors for J.D
Tag Archives: bro
Local Econ Bro Implodes After Being Asked “Why Can’t We Just Print More Money?”
The Evanston Fire Department arrived on scene immediately after Martin literally erupted in flames.
Local Bro Self-Places Out of Sex 101
“Nah, I don’t need Sex 101. I’m no beginner to pleasuring women. I bet I could teach that professor a thing or two.”
[Graduation Issue] Senior Turns in Thesis Statement
“I’m so good at thesises,” said Weinberg Senior Kevin Pandolph. “But I hate writing the rest of the paper. I can’t believe you can get honors just for writing a thesis!”
Bro Accidentally Correct in Calling Rainbow Week “Totally Gay”
EVANSTON—In an unwitting display of complete factual accuracy, a McCormick senior proclaimed that Rainbow Week was “gay” on Friday. Chad Block, a mid-forward on the Ultimate Frisbee team, was examining a Norris bulletin board when he made his truthful declaration. “Man, how gay is that shit?” he said to Joe “Broseph” Leibowitz, a senior rugby hooker. Leibowitz was shocked. He commented that this is one of the first times he’s seen Block use vocabulary correctly. “He’s not so good with
Area Student Sexiled to Siberia
EVANSTON—Many residents complain about Chicago’s winter, but last week a local student experienced an inconvenience even worse than a 2 a.m. walk to BK in lake-effect snow conditions. When Northwestern student Greg Conrad left class last Friday he discovered he had been “sexiled” out of the country. Through some sort of miscommunication, Conrad was shipped off to Siberia, a frozen, desolate wasteland, where he survived only on his knowledge of “Man vs. Wild.” Conrad complained, “my roommate texted me being
SigEp Brother Receives Brobel Peace Prize
Student Voted ‘Most Likely to Succeed’ Already Failing
EVANSTON—Weinberg freshman Joe Krawson disappointed his high school graduating class on Monday when he received a failing grade on his macro-economics midterm exam, earning only 23 points out of a possible 50. Only 6 months prior, the 382 seniors of Krawson’s Washburn High School in San Diego, California had voted him the male student “most likely to succeed.” In his position as senior class president at Washburn, Krawson was well-liked for reducing detentions by 40% and for planning “the best