Tag Archives: bombs

Trump Creates New “BOOM Department” For Bombing His Enemies, Appoints AJ & Big Justice As Secretaries

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While some may have missed the announcement in between Trump’s creation of an “Efficiency Commission” and appointment of a sex criminal to lead the government’s law enforcement agency, the president-elect notably created a “BOOM Department” for bombing his enemies and named AJ & Big Justice as its foremen. Trump originally met AJ & Big Justice while he was working the McDonald’s drive thru. The father-son pair ordered everything on the menu for one of their viral videos and proceeded to

Read more Entertainment, Featured, Latest News, Nation, No. 395, Politics, World, Year 17

Czech Republic Sends $2 Billion in Maps as Foreign Aid to Geographically Oblivious U.S.

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PRAGUE, CZECH REP. — Czech Prime Minister Petr NeÄŤas announced at a special press conference today that his government has decided to provide $2 billion worth of maps for the tragically geographically challenged U.S. schoolchildren. “We see it as a moral duty to extend a helping hand to countries whose education about the rest of the world has frozen in a woeful state. The least we can do is provide the necessary tools for the poor American kids to at

Read more No. 109, World

Congress Responds to Boston Explosions: “We Need More Bombs”

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WASHINGTON — Congress acted quickly following the explosions that claimed three lives and injured many more at the Boston Marathon, resolving that the only way to fight against a bomb threat is for every person to have a bomb themselves. The bill that passed into law easily through both the Senate and the House legalized the possession of bombs by any American citizen over the age of 18. “Bombs don’t kill people, people kill people,” said Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas). “We need

Read more No. 108, Politics