Multiple sources are reporting that area orphan Nelly Pager, WCAS ’19, is allegedly not terribly excited about the extensive programming Northwestern has planned for its annual Family Weekend.
HOLLYWOOD—Renowned actor Christian Bale, star of the two most recent Batman films, including 2008’s mega-hit The Dark Knight, released a press statement today in which he explained his will to die so that he can win an Academy Award for Best Actor. “I’ll make it look like an accident,” Bale said in his statement, “you know, jump out a window and make it look like I fell or something. That should get the Academy’s attention.” Bale’s co-star in The Dark