Northwestern Baseball Team Realizes They’ve Been Holding Their Bats The Wrong Way After Twelfth Straight Loss
“…thin goes for the win.”
Tag Archives: Baseball
Local Man Poses as Cardboard Cutout for Three Months to Infiltrate World Series
“The trick is to sit real still and not breathe too much,” describes Bregman, who claims he wanted to get the authentic ballpark experience without the hassle of paying for tickets or obeying pesky federal guidelines. “I got used to not breathing when I pretended to be dead so my kids could claim life insurance,” he said.
White Co-Worker: So, Uh, How About That Cubs Game?
After grabbing an unmarked yogurt from the company refrigerator, he knew he had to speak up against the injustice.
Canadian Baseball Fan Incensed by Cooperstown Decision
Canadian McGriff fails to make it into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Oh, no Canada.
Commissioner of Baseball Investigating Allegations of Witchcraft against San Francisco Giants
If Selig does find evidence that [a witch doctor] has been “fixing” games, it could lead to the Giants’ retroactive disqualification from the 2014 World Series, passing on the title to the Kansas City Royals.
ASG Thrilled that #ASG is Finally Trending on Twitter
EVANSTON — Due to Tuesday’s MLB All-Star Game, #ASG was a trending tag on Twitter. The Northwestern Associated Student Government said it was the greatest moment – literally the greatest moment, free of any controversy or procedural bickering – in the history of the organization. “We were ecstatic,” said Matthew Silver, ASG’s Vice President of Coincidental Social Media Publicity. “This is the kind of moment that my office, and all of Northwestern, has been waiting for.” The fact that the
Performance Enhancing Drugs Sole Inductee to Baseball Hall of Fame
COOPERSTOWN, NY — Last Wednesday, the Baseball Writers’ Association of America made history by voting in the first non-human inductee to the Hall of Fame. “Performance Enhancing Drugs” (PED) was the only candidate to receive the needed 75% of the vote, ushering it into baseball’s most hallowed ground. PED built an impressive resume in its decades-long stint in the MLB, accounting for over 90,000 home runs, 325,000 RBI’s, 800 ‘roid rage tantrums, and 500 shrunken testicles before being forced into
Area Guy Reminds People About Baseball Playoffs, Exorcised
LANSING, MI – In a month where NFL games, college football, and preseason basketball compete for the attention of autumn sports fans, area Guy Steve Parkson has reminded anyone who will listen to him that “baseball is still going on, guys.” “Dudes,” said Parkson, checking MLB scores on his smartphone as his Guy buddies drank beer at a local bar, whose TVs were showing Sports That Were Not Baseball, “the Cardinals just pulled ahead of the Nationals…it looks like they’re
Area Man “So Turned On” by Fantasy Baseball Team
INTERNET – Area man, Billy Smith, has the best fantasy baseball team, EVER. In fact, it is so great, that Smith reported getting an erection when the league draft ended. “My team is so awesome that I’ll be able to fantasize about it for years to come,” Smith told his girlfriend, Cynthia Walder, on Friday. The couple was enjoying March Madness, when it became clear that Smith was unable to concentrate. He kept going into his room during crucial moments
Yankees Pull Total Dick Move on Red Sox
BOSTON – Major League Baseball’s investigation of the New York Yankees has finally concluded, with the official report ruling that the Bronx Bombers are still total douchebags. This examination came at the request of the Red Sox, who would not stop bitching about their historic September collapse. Believing that the Yanks fixed their regular-season finale against the Tampa Bay Rays, team representatives sent a formal request to commissioner Bud Selig, who was pleasantly surprised to learn that the playoffs had