Modeled after the historically sophisticated state security agencies in the Soviet bloc, the agency will focus on counterintelligence operations with a heavy focus on sabotage of political dissidence.
The Flipside thinks the money can be better spent on biweekly Dillo Days for the next two decades, or a few windows in Blomquist Gymnasium, and maybe another fan or two.
Given the success and unanimous support of Northwestern University’s Associated Student Government’s latest move to ban on-campus tobacco possession, student representatives recently proposed a large number of additional bans designed to improve student life.
“The race for padding resumĂ©s with bullshit positions has never been more intense,” said Neil Mantle, Allison’s Area Coordinator. “We were afraid something like this might happen eventually.”
EVANSTON — Due to Tuesday’s MLB All-Star Game, #ASG was a trending tag on Twitter. The Northwestern Associated Student Government said it was the greatest moment – literally the greatest moment, free of any controversy or procedural bickering – in the history of the organization. “We were ecstatic,” said Matthew Silver, ASG’s Vice President of Coincidental Social Media Publicity. “This is the kind of moment that my office, and all of Northwestern, has been waiting for.” The fact that the
EVANSTON — Student groups including ASG, Alianza, and the Diversity Club held an open forum on the topic of diversity last week that has successfully ended any acts or thoughts of racism on the Northwestern campus. “This is just a massive relief for everyone on campus. Racism and ignorance have been such divisive issues here, and I’m glad that because we talked about it, we don’t have to worry about it anymore,” said ASG President Ani Ajith. Students all around
By Foley Hartmann When I heard about Social Justice Week, I knew I had to make a difference! There is so much social injustice happening on campus: I see awkward, sad kids without friends all the time. So, first thing, I scooted over to Tech and invited all the computer science majors to an off-campus party. It’s time they got some equality in the social scene on this fine campus. But I only invited the McCormick comp-sci majors. I’m almost
SALA DEL NOROESTE, EVANSTASIONE — All was set to go as planned in the ASG Senate meeting this past week. All the officer vacancies for next quarter were filled except for three, and candidates had all been nominated. But then, tragedy struck. Just as MartĂn Lobos, nominee for Vice President of Diversity and Inclusion, was about to be confirmed, Natalie Suarez burst into the senate meeting, her flowing red ball gown swirling in the Santa Ana winds from the nearby
EVANSTON — According to inside sources, ASG presidential candidates were disappointed that poor election day weather led to low voter turnout. Candidate Aaron Zelikovich has claimed that cold weather, accompanied by snow flurries, half-frozen rain, and “good ol’ fashioned Midwestern hail,” deterred many who would have otherwise gone out and voted for him. Similarly, political strategists for David Harris and Jo Lee were adamant that had the weather been better, voter turnout amongst seniors, who traditionally support candidates with their