Northwestern Student Body Headed Straight to Hell
“I think I saw the mad glint of their god’s eye today. His shriveled white prophet made it explicit when he condemned me to hellfire lest I repent. Those are damn convincing words.”
Tag Archives: Arch
Students Graffiti Arch, Propose New “Paint the Arch” Tradition
EVANSTON — Earlier this week, students discovered graffiti on the sides of Northwestern’s iconic Arch. The graffiti was written in Chinese, reading “I’m only here since I didn’t get accepted into an Ivy school.” Michael Li, one of the students who saw the message, said, “It was easy to miss since everybody is either texting or pretending to read the flyers on the sidewalk to avoid making eye-contact with anyone, but I looked up at just the right moment and
Activities Fair Perfect Time to Brush Against Cute Girl’s Ass
EVANSTON—This Monday, freshmen poured into Norris for the Activities Fair, a time-worn Northwestern tradition in which members of the incoming class sign away their inboxes to listserv upon listserv in exchange for free candy. The entire Class of 2013 was successfully crammed into the student center, effectively causing what administrators called “a fire code nightmare.” Some freshmen, however, decided to turn the close-quarters situation into their advantage. Casually walking past the “Germ”any Disease Association, young freshmen like Jeff Lerman moved