Year 17 | Northwestern Flipside

Category Archives: Year 17

Ask Flippy: The Doctor Said My Joints are Messed Up. How Do I Show this Clown I Roll the Best?

January 29, 2025 Jameson Onayo Leave a comment

Dear Flippy, Last week I went to the doctor for a long-overdue checkup (I’m United Healthcare and figured they probably wouldn’t want to deny my claim). Overall, I’m in good health! My blood pressure is down to 170/100, and my doctor said my weight is in the 95th percentile for my height–which means lower than 95% of the population. How could he tell I’d been dieting? There’s just one problem: He said he was worried about my joints. Something about

Read more Articles, Ask Flippy, Featured, Latest News, No. 399, Uncategorized, Year 17

Op-Ed: I Wish I Were a Woman So My Voice Could Be Less Influential

January 28, 2025 Melinda Chang Leave a comment

She can say absolutely anything and we will be none the wiser, because no one listens to women.

Read more Articles, Featured, Latest News, No. 399, Opinion, Year 17

Gulf of America this, Gulf of Mexico that, what about the Massive Gulf that Exists Between us ever since I Showed you my Hyper-Realistic Doll Collection?

January 27, 2025 Cassandra Brook Leave a comment

I really thought I could be loved for who I was, but I was a fool because if you can’t handle my hyper-realistic doll collection, you’re not ready for the real me. Because the real me needs you to be okay with the five hours I need everyday to perform a seance with my porcelain dolls made with real human hair.

Read more Articles, Featured, Latest News, No. 399, Year 17

Biden On Hot Mic; “I’m Ready To Join Jimmy On The Astral Plane.”

January 24, 2025 Jameson Onayo Leave a comment

Not sure that we were meant to hear this.

Read more Featured, Latest News, No. 398, Year 17

Inspired by Oklahoma Bible Mandate, Trump’s Department of Education to Require DVD Copy of “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel” in Every US Classroom

January 23, 2025 Stephen Walsh Leave a comment

“Leftists have taken over our education system and are teaching our children to hate America!” a Trump administration spokesperson proclaimed to the Flipside in a recent interview. “President Trump’s top priority in education is to bring patriotism, western morality, and the word of the Lord back into the American classroom, and we’ve decided the best way to do that is with the celebrated 2009 film Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel.” The specific movie was chosen because it is “Perhaps

Read more Articles, Featured, Latest News, No. 398, Politics, Year 17

Trump to Take Over Greek Life and Rename It American Life

January 23, 2025 Cassandra Brook Leave a comment

In a shocking new political move in reaction to the rush craze sweeping college campusesnationwide, Trump recently announced he would be renaming Greek life “American life.” In anexclusive interview with Trump, our Flipside reporter, dives deep into this new development. Flipside: So in our current political climate, with increased climate catastrophes and heightenedgeopolitical conflicts, what led you to focus on recoining Greek life “American life?” Trump: Well, we have to remember to be loyal to America and not the illegal

Read more Articles, Featured, Headline, Latest News, Nation, No. 398, Politics, Year 17

Op-Ed: Look How Quirky I Am, I’m Drinking From a Silly Straw and Speaking in Tongues

January 18, 2025 Stephen Walsh Leave a comment

“I’m not like other girls” I think to myself as I sip my almond milk latte from my silly straw, listening to the least popular Lana Del Rey songs on Spotify. My laptop is adorned with quotes from shows obscure enough that people are impressed that I know about them, but not so obscure that they can’t recognize them and shower me with praise. And, if that’s not enough, I’m possessed by an ancient Babylonian demon and levitating and speaking in tongues.

Read more Featured, Latest News, Local, No. 397, Year 17

To My Teachers: Maybe It’s Good That I’m Not Using My Full Potential

January 17, 2025 Stephen Walsh Leave a comment

Maybe I’m the only thing that stands between the world and the madness that is me.

Read more Articles, Featured, Latest News, Local, No. 397, Year 17

I’m On The Dean’s List, Little Does He Know He’s On Mine Too

January 16, 2025 Diego Guerrero Leave a comment

I’m going to get that son of a bitch.

Read more Featured, Latest News, No. 397, Year 17

Breaking: Theatre Kid Pretty Sure “Defying Gravity” is what an Orgasm Feels Like

January 15, 2025 Diego Guerrero Leave a comment

“I’d only read about it in that book about my changing body my parents gave me when I was 13,” he told Flipside. Although he admits to doing some “online studying” about the subject before he came to Northwestern, he insists that was just so he could be better prepared in case the school put on a production of Cabaret.

Read more Articles, Entertainment, Featured, Latest News, Local, No. 397, Year 17

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