From a universe where nothing ever goes wrong: I have a mouth, but I don’t need to scream :)ļæ¼
Well golly-gee-good-morning, world! My name is John J. Johnson, and I have the best life ever!
Category Archives: Year 17
Somebody Put Ben Down Heās Drunk On Star Power
Everybodyās seen somebody go on a power trip before. Police officers when they pull over people, that kid that was supposed to watch over the class while the teacher went out to go use the bathroom, Joseph Stalin, just to name a few. But never before has a power trip been as dangerous as this one, never before has one rush of authority to somebodyās head been as dangerous as this. For Godās sake, somebody put Ben down, heās drunk
Op-Ed: You driving while having a “baby on board” has nothing to do with meļæ¼
The other day when I was driving and intently studying the bumper stickers on the car in front of me, I saw my least favorite sticker of all time.
Innovation: Student Starts Ripping 20 GoGo Squeezes a Day to Curb Vaping Addiction
He slurped up a long, skinny semi-gelatinous tube of unsweetened, organic applesauce and felt a head rush like nothing he had ever experienced before.
Op-Ed: Scuba Diving is WAY More Exciting than Becoming a Father
his little, wet, salamander-colored life-form, by his own existence, took from me my passion. My wife made me get rid of the scuba gear, you see; she didnāt want me to āget some awful fucking decompression sickness and have [my] guts pop out through [my] eye socketsā and leave her with our son, William, all alone. William, more like, Will-I-Ever-Be-Free-Again?
Funnel Cake, Projectile Vomit, Mysteriously Damp Stuffed Animal and Other Carnival-Themed Outfit Ideas for Dillo 53
Weāve got some great ideas for sexy and hot festival outfits that are perfectly on theme.
What They Donāt Tell You About Crack: āHoly Shit This Stuff Is Fucking Great!ā
Itās so great, I actually can’t imagine what my life would be like without my beloved crack, I really canāt!
Call Me Crazy, But that UFO Came Down in the Field by my House in 2012 and When the Little Aliens Came Out They Told Me to Shoot John Lennonās Abused Son Julian Lennon
Look, man, I admit maybe I shouldnāt have drunk that whole bowl of ayahuasca brew that uncontacted tribe in Paraguay sent me, but I swear to you Iām not messing around here. Call me crazy if you want, but that UFO came down in the field by my house in 2012 and when the little aliens came out they told me to shoot John Lennonās abused son, Julian Lennon.
Op-Ed: Norovirus Outbreak In Elder Hall Comes To An End As I, Diego Guerrero, Become The Last Surviving Elderite
It continued until the outbreak ended and I returned to my dorm to realize that I, Diego Guerrero, have become the last surviving Elderite.
I Came From The Streets: A Study Of Asphalt Fetishes
All across the world, itās not that unusual for some people to have strange fetishes. Feet, hybristophilia, lactophilia, even coprophilia. Of course, whatever gets your socks off and gets you turned on really isnāt anybody elseās business. However, recently a phenomenon has been sweeping cities across America: asphalt fetishes. āI Came From The Streetsā — a breakdown of tarphelia. Signs of the modern fetish first began appearing in America in the 1930s when many roads began to be paved as