Category Archives: Year 15

Ask Flippy: Where Do I Find Valid Shawties Who Will Also Support My Ambitions In Political Science?

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I’m just looking for a valid, down-to-earth betty who can hold my hand, both at Naturdays with the boys and on the campaign trail. Everyone knows you’re a stronger candidate with some hot wife material behind you. Plus, I still haven’t found anyone who’s willing to lay out my clothes the night before like my mom used to do – and also kiss me with tongue the way I hope my mom never does.

Read more Ask Flippy, Featured, Local, No. 350, Year 15

From the Archives: God, These Cannon Shots in Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture Are So Obscene and Obnoxious! What Has Become of Pop Music?

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I should have known something was wrong when the premiere wasn’t even in the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour — our tickets lied to us. I mean — come on — how long does it take to set up a venue?! They’ve been building the thing since 1812, for Christ’s sake!

Read more Archives, Entertainment, Featured, Year 15

Responsible Landlord: Fire Hazard Resolved When Apartment Burns to Ground

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“Yeah, they told me the heater didn’t work because of some kind of gas leak. In my opinion, the kids we rent to these days are pretty entitled,” Johnston commented, stepping over a flaming support beam. “When I’m cold at home, I just put on a sweater. And when I’m hot, I fan myself with a nice, thick stack of Benjamins.”

Read more Featured, Local, No. 348
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