Movie Mishap: Jason Derulo’s Penis Accidentally Edited into Every Shot of Little Women
“Tom was very clear: we are keeping Mr. Derulo’s digital penis saved just in case.”
Category Archives: Year 12
Safe Bet Area Man Studied Abroad in Western Europe
With the dawn of yet another biting Chicago-area winter comes countless Northwestern undergraduates with stories of daring exploits from their fall quarters spent abroad. While these students’ tales may seem enticing at first glance for students who have yet to study outside of Evanston, it’s a pretty safe bet that any given dude you pass on Sheridan studied abroad in western Europe. A 2019 study conducted by ASG indicates that while a whopping 83% of Northwestern undergraduates interested in studying
Student Wonders When to Ask About Syllabus During Professor’s 30 Minute Tangent on Dead Ex-Wife
“Sure, Professor Pierce’s brutal divorce and struggle with alcoholism is sad, but how else was I supposed to clarify the minor typo in the grading policy?”
From The Archives: Local Model Sells Nude Sketches Of Herself To Raise Money For Great Fire Of London
Within hours, London’s fire department found itself practically drowning in hundreds of pounds… of pounds.
Outback Steakhouse Faces Backlash for New “Forest Fire Fajitas”
The CEO Outback Steakhouse denies all wrong-doing, claiming each time that the dishes were just “the marketing team having fun with alliteration” and had no relation to current events.
Iran Releases List of 52 American Cultural Sites to Bomb, 43 Burger King Locations, Other 9 Jimmy John’s
Some of America’s most coveted cultural traditions find their roots in a handful of these Burger King locales.
Ask Flippy: Help! What Did I Used to Do for Fun Back Home?
“Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. But they have jobs and a life.”
Local Woman Becomes Cartoon Character After Wearing Same Outfit for a Week
Schwartz’s mother said that she is supportive of Schwartz’s transition onto the 2D plane so long as she promises to call more.
In First Sign Of Progress, Local Kindergartners And Tree Squirrels Agree To Temporary Thanksgiving Ceasefire
The conflict most likely started when Jeremy Jones – the third-stickiest member of his kindergarden class – accidentally wiped his boogers inside the tree where Snuggles usually stores his acorns.
Area Boyfriend Not Quite Emotionally Available Enough to Feel Thankful This Year
When asked what he liked about Thanksgiving, Winters commented, “I’m not feeling it this year. I mean, politics is crazy: climate change, gun violence, probably something else preventable is happening in Evanston.”