âWhen I came here, I had a purity score of 100,â attested Annie Eisenbower, McCormick â23, âbut when I changed into my jammies, after a spirited debate about the role of metaphysics in the world of meta-metaphysics with some colleagues, it went up to 102.â
They say that if you give a man a fish, heâll eat for a day, but if you purchase a local Walmart franchise you effectively own all the fish within a two-mile radius.
âWell, Iâll simply take every role that comes my way. As a proud member of a minority group, I feel like itâs my duty to act in as many movies as I can. That way, even if I end up being the only Asian actress in Hollywood, the rest of my people can feel represented by me.”
âOriginally I was undecided,â claimed Cohen, âbut after my parents thought that I meant âhappyâ when I told them I was gay, I knew that I needed to take drastic measures to communicate my sexuality. So I charged my US Gay & Lesbian History textbooks to my familyâs Amazon account.â
Itâs no secret to NU students that the school has problems managing money, from administration blowing millions on football games to continuing to fund the theater program. However, recent statements out of the office of the president indicate that these troubles may be over. When Morty Schapiro went into a budget meeting with several of the financial experts in charge of the universityâs endowment with one of those bats with nails in it, reporters were unsure of the outcome. However
Even the professor seemed impressed when he briefly stopped his teaching halfway through class. âI am so proud ofâŠCole?… for finally trimming his nails,â said Professor Gill, âI know that this journey has been a long one – even longer than his nail was.â
âBasically, my standards are that I donât want someone who has a criminal record,â Seymour said, âActually⊠if heâs willing to cover electric, I wouldnât mind a few class-3 misdemeanors.â
Next time you get a friendâs husband to cheat on her with you, perhaps try not writing about âSteveâs mind-blowing oralâ on your sexual health blog.
Campus police report that girl code infractions have spiraled beyond the brave forcesâ physical and emotional capabilities.
“He touted how he has not put a single penny toward his childrenâs health and well-being, including not paying for vaccinations or shoes.