A Day In My Life As The Ping Pong Paddle On Set Of Marty Supreme
It’s 7:00 AM. I’m ripped out my case. They call them props people, but to me, they’re my captors.
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Student Punished for Line Violation at Porno Pizza; Hammurabi’s Code Invoked.
On Wednesday afternoon, a female student at Porno Pizza committed the grave error of approaching the personal pie line while intending to order a slice. Eyewitnesses report that she was immediately seized and escorted to the rear of the establishment, where staff administered the punishment prescribed by the Porno Code, an adaptation of Hammurabi’s ancient legal statutes codified in grease-stained laminate. According to witnesses, the student pleaded for leniency. “I just wanted a slice,” she reportedly said. “I didn’t know.”
Ask Flippy: I (19M) recently saw the last Sarge grilled cheese sandwich (~0.001Unknown) taken by an elderly diabetic woman (104F) and proceeded to fuck her up with my glock (9MM), AITA?
After long, draining days of blowing off classes and clubs to watch Family Guy Youtube shorts and sleepless nights of blowing off homework to watch Family Guy Youtube shorts, I need a refresher to get me going again, and nothing does it quite like a Sarge dining hall grilled cheese. Something magical is in the air at Sarge (and I’m not talking about zaza) that turns two slices of white bread and kraft cheese into the ambrosia of the gods.
Ask Flippy: I Saw My Parents Watching “Fifty Shades of Grey” When I Was 9, Does That Explain Why I Am This Way?
Then, I started to remember another incident. The incident. You see, when I was 9 walked into the living room and saw my parents watching Fifty Shades of Grey on the TV. It was the ice cube scene. Right before what I now know is called some “hot fucking shit”.
Ask Flippy: The Doctor Said My Joints are Messed Up. How Do I Show this Clown I Roll the Best?
Dear Flippy, Last week I went to the doctor for a long-overdue checkup (I’m United Healthcare and figured they probably wouldn’t want to deny my claim). Overall, I’m in good health! My blood pressure is down to 170/100, and my doctor said my weight is in the 95th percentile for my height–which means lower than 95% of the population. How could he tell I’d been dieting? There’s just one problem: He said he was worried about my joints. Something about
Top 5 AP Classes the Liberal Education System Will Inseminate You With
Ron DeSantis plans to order the Florida National Guard to send everyone who receives a 5 to his personal gulag.
BREAKING: RFK Jr. Admits to Starting Hurricane Milton; “Yea Katrina was me too haha”
In a shocking turn of events this past weekend, RFK Jr., has admitted to being the starting force behind Hurricane Milton.
Area Horse Girl Purposely Misses First Three Shots In P-I-G, Demands We Play H-O-R-S-E Instead
Okay there we were, St. Incitatus Elementary. Sarah’s got the ball. Right under the hoop, granny stance set. It’s gotta be the easiest shot of her life, and she has three chances. P-I-G. That’s the name – er letters of the game. Invented by John Scarne in 1945, PIG has been a hallmark of PE fun ever since. Oddly enough, history purports Scarne and his gang of troubled youth would play the game with dice. That doesn’t make sense. We
New York High Schoolers Compete to Date DiCaprio: “We Need Someone to Buy Us Beer”
“We needed someone to buy us beer,” said Josie Cuervo, a junior. at Stuyvesant High School. “Then my friends and I heard Leo DiCaprio was sniffing around for younger women to date. Seemed to me like this might be the beginning of a beautiful partnership.”
NU Football Coach Forces Players to Attend Basketball Game to “See What Being Cheered for Looks Like”
According to Northwestern’s football coach, this torture was deliberate. During the off-season, he has turned to emotional tactics to try and get the Northwestern football team out of their slump.