Air-Drying Freshman Maybe A Little Too Confident
“Towels are just so constricting, you know?” Stevens told the Flipside while sitting naked in a lounge.
Category Archives: Headline
Study Confirms That, Despite Wanting to, Gays Cannot Create Hurricanes
“It’s not like we haven’t tried,” said Ainsley.
Evanston Resident Appalled to Learn He Lives Near College Students
“I’m actually kind of relieved. I thought he was angry at me because I’m black,” Howard said.
“They Must Have Midterms,” Cries Club Leader Alone at Meeting
At 9 p.m. last night, chess club president Jonny Kaplan, MEAS ’18, found the room he’d reserved in Kresge completely empty, burst into tears and cried out “They must have midterms!”
Morty Exchanges 200 Dave & Busters Tickets for Wildcats Nightlight
While giddily walking away from the prize counter, Northwestern president Morton Schapiro told reporters today that he had exchanged 200 Dave & Busters tickets for a Wildcats nightlight. “I’m a really big Northwestern sports fan, so I’m super excited to have my very own Wildcats nightlight. Oh boy!” Morty exclaimed. Morty reportedly earned the 200 tickets over several hours playing Skee-Ball, whack-a-mole, and pop-a-shot basketball. He was chaperoned around the venue by members of the Board of Trustees. “You should
Op-Ed: If You Read It Right, The Dillo Map Will Show You Where the Bodies Are
Then it hit me. This map was no perimeter for moral degradation and clinical diseases: it was a guide to discovering the hidden truths of Dillo—and human flesh.
“I Can’t Turn It Off!” Screams Morty, Hurtling Past Onlookers in a Golf Cart
“Once he gets an idea in his head you better make sure you hide the high-energy combustibles or he’ll get in there, believe you me.”
Gramatik Are Perform at Dillo
Mayfest tell reporter Flipside that Slovenian EDM boy Gramatik, also known Denis Jašarević, are perform at Dillo Day 2017 in Lakefill.
Loud Noise Has Morty Pull Covers Higher Over Head
It took the promise of an extra juice box with breakfast before he’d even poke his head out.
Tenured Professor Actually Just Dad who Got Separated from Tour Group
“Not knowing what else to do, I wandered into Lunt Hall, found an empty office, and just set up shop. The rest took care of itself.”