Iran Releases List of 52 American Cultural Sites to Bomb, 43 Burger King Locations, Other 9 Jimmy Johnās
Some of Americaās most coveted cultural traditions find their roots in a handful of these Burger King locales.
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Uncle Bob Playing Drinking Game by Himself with No Rules at Thanksgiving Dinner
āUncle Bob just drinks consistently throughout dinner, but occasionally he says āCheers!ā and clinks his wine glass and his vodka tonic together before downing both,ā says Brenda.
Op Ed: If Improv is About Saying āYesā Then Why Did Every Group Say āNoā to Me?
As any new Northwestern student who googles āwhat is improvā five minutes before their audition knows, the only rule to the Chicago-founded comedic art form is saying āyes.ā But if thatās the case, then why did every improv group on campus say ānoā to me? Iām talking Titanic, Mee-Ow, ODB, The Bix,Ā even the Panini Players. They all said āno.” I didnāt even get a single callback. I say theyāre a bunch of hypocrites. If they were really committed to the
Scandal Breaks as The Rock Is Discovered To Be A Legacy Student
āThat chunk of sandstone had some powerful friends. Thereās no harm in me meeting with an applicant personally, sharing intimate secrets, exchanging phone numbers, and making secret handshakes. It gives the student no advantages whatsoever.ā
Oopsie Alert! That Self-Deprecating Joke During The Ice Breaker Did NOT Stick The Landing
It seems you have a quarter of minimal eye contact and awkward glances to look forward to.
TRUMP IMPEACHED: That Got Your Attention, Huh Paula? Now Will You Please Let Me Talk to the Kids?
In a move preceded only twice in the history of this hallowed nation, House speaker Nancy Pelosi has begun the lengthy journey that could end in — Iām sorry, I canāt do this anymore, Paula pleaseĀ let me talk to the kids. Iāve made mistakes. I know that. Iām not blind to my faults, babe. But I shouldnāt have to get into college at 41, feign interest at the most tedious info meetings Iāve ever been to and go through the
Freshman Praying Willie the Wildcat Doesn’t Awaken Anything In Them
āI hate the Kansas State fans. They think their Willie is so great, but he doesnāt even have fur.ā He then added, ābut Iām not a furry.ā
Morty Opens up āUS News and World Report College Rankingsā in Incognito Tab
Morty has seemingly become obsessed in the days since with ensuring NU continues to move up the rankings and has covered the walls of his room with charts, graphs, andā¦ other things, trying to, umm, āanalyzeā what allowed us to move up.
NBA Referee Assigns Technical Foul To Pregnant Woman For āHiding Basketballā
The NBA Playoffs erupted into chaos Tuesday after a referee dished out a technical foul to Claire Rogers, a pregnant woman in the stands, for āhiding the basketball.ā The incident, which has already been deemed the greatest misunderstanding sincethe Salem Witch Trials, began in the third quarterafter an erroneous pass found its way into the stands. Sources report that as the ref turned his head, he noticed a round woman whispering to her stomach over and over. He immediately blew
Urkel Found Looking Ashamed at Notre Dame Ruins: āDid I Do That?ā
Urkel has been locked 24/7 in a small, heavily guarded cell in a classified location, but his lawyers have reported that heās enthusiastic that heāll get off because āthereās always the next episodeā.