Flipside Investigative Report: Where Do All the Uneaten Dining Hall Chickpeas Go?
Where do all the uneaten chickpeas go? A Qatar-based cryptocurrency is only the beginning of the story…
Category Archives: World
Student Back From Study Abroad Unaware Fall Quarter Was One Quarter He Could Have Smashed Crush
“I really enjoyed my quarter abroad in London. I grew as a person and learned a lot too,” Schuster said, not knowing that on October 20, 2017, he could have made hot love to Stanton in a fleeting moment of mutual passion that can never occur again.
Trump Proposes “Smushing” The Koreas Together To End Border Conflict
“Trump kept pushing his hands together, attempting to push two imaginary landmasses across an ethereal demilitarized zone; his face reportedly became increasingly purple as well.”
Holy Food War Breaks Out Between Halal and Kosher Food Stations
“It was a nightmare. Scalding matzah ball soup blinded four and stab wounds from Iraqi kebabs took the lives of two Buddhist passersby. Also, the vegan table is now totally covered in Kosher brisket shrapnel. What am I supposed to eat now?”
JFK Files Reveal Surprisingly Solid Mixtape
these beats are, in fact, sick, but unfortunately never saw the light of day because “they would have blown the American public’s mind, figuratively, of course”.
Report: Northwestern’s Qatar Campus Just Basement of Hinman
“I just wanted to make Northwestern look like it has more global outreach. To be honest, I don’t even know if Qatar is a real country.”
Joan of Arc Was Seriously Lit
‘The Maid of OrlĂ©ans did what most teenagers do and lit up at least once, according to our historical data.”
Abroad Student Decides Uganda Isn’t So Bad
Sources report that this revelation occurred when he saw Donald Trump insult veterans, Muslims, Republicans, and fucking babies in just the past week.
Syrian Refugees Refuse Opportunity to Live in Bobb Hall
EVANSTON – In a gracious attempt to do its part in the increasingly turbulent Syrian refugee crisis, Northwestern University has offered to take in up to 25 Syrian families and host them in unoccupied rooms in Bobb Hall, but upon visiting their prospective homes, the selected families promptly declined. Bobb RA Meera Nahas was chosen to show the families around Northwestern last week, and he says they seemed largely pleased with the beauty of the campus. “That’s until I took
FOX News Claims France is Dead
The situation in France has worsened to a point that FOX News, yesterday, just decided to announce that in the scheme of things, “France is DEAD.”