
From the Archives: Calls to Abolish Greek Life of Philosopher Socrates, Forced to Drink Hemlock

“I mean for Zeus’ sake, we’ve barely just invented math, we don’t have time for philosophy!”
“I mean for Zeus’ sake, we’ve barely just invented math, we don’t have time for philosophy!”
“I’ve tried to talk to him and make sure he’s doing ok, but he kept shouting about land disputes between Kosovo and Serbia,” explained a close friend, who wished to remain anonymous.
In recent months, the FDA has released several warnings about certain hand sanitizer companies producing faulty content. This downgrade in average quality of hand sanitizer has concerned epidemiologists and doctors alike, but most perturbed are longtime self-proclaimed members of the hand sanitizer fandom. “It’s just disappointing,” said Sandy Teiser, 33. “Even my son, who would never wash his hands when told—let alone use soap—now carries five bottles of half-rate hand sanitizer everywhere he goes. There’s no way to distinguish between
“We knew he’d dig himself into a hole sooner or later.”
“Join our movement today and reject the orb-obsessed mainstream.”
“Huh? I don’t remember what background anyone had. Besides, can’t you just set your virtual background to anything?”
I mean, just look at the names. There’s the Amazon Foundation, which I own, and then there’s the capital T The Amazon Foundation, which is about some big jungle in Mexico or something.
The CEO Outback Steakhouse denies all wrong-doing, claiming each time that the dishes were just “the marketing team having fun with alliteration” and had no relation to current events.
Some of America’s most coveted cultural traditions find their roots in a handful of these Burger King locales.
The conflict most likely started when Jeremy Jones – the third-stickiest member of his kindergarden class – accidentally wiped his boogers inside the tree where Snuggles usually stores his acorns.